A Reflection of My Story of Overcoming Social Anxiety

Background Story Central To My ldentity

As far back as I can remember, my nervous racing heart and fluttering stomach was just part of who I was. I couldn't understand that others did not feel the same way. Being so young, I had no context for what it meant to be shy. I certainly didn't understand why others would view my behavior with contempt. As I moved through early elementary school, however, the label assigned to me by others moved from shy or quiet to one of social anxiety. Instead of enjoying social activities, I would fake ilnesses just to avoid them. When not with close family and friends, I constantly felt in danger of judgment and rejection, and my fight flight response was always looking to exit the situation. I recall being at a birthday party in preschool. There were tons of birthday parties at that age, but each and every event was tough for me since being involved in activities with more than just one close friend made me feel physically sick. I hoped this party, however, would be different. My mother had told me that a man was coming and would bring his reptiles for us to see.

I loved reptiles, and still do, and was very excited. That same excitement even silenced the anxiety that had started to swell within me days before the party. I thought I could control my big feelings, the ones that made my heart race and stomach swirl. All the same, those troubling feelings of anxiety struck the minute I arrived at the party. I instantly felt sick and forgot about seeing the reptiles. I even forgot about seeing my friends and eating birthday cake. I was completely flooded with anxious thoughts. Sick to my stomach, I ran to my mother wantüng nothing more than to go home. I never got to see the reptiles that day. avoided everything from participating at school to fun, seemingly terrifying, social situations. If a teacher called on me in class, I would panic. Play dates were only with a select few and always at my home. I would even sometimes pretend to have laryngitis so I wouldn't have to talk.

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I felt lonely and disappointed over missed opportunities. I was 7-years-old when I realized by watching others at a school performance that I did not have to continue along this path of anxiety. I accepted the help offered to me and it felt like my worid began becoming clearer. I| learned that my extreme reaction was biological, physical and environmental. I learned that it was natural and even okay to have the feelings I felt...just not to the irrational extent in which I felt them. I learned that my feelings prevented me from participating in life but that I could learn to control them, before they controlled me. I learned that avoiding things I knew made me feel anxious reinforced the fear and my mind believing I was threatened. There was nothing wrong with me and this was a revelation! Patience, courage and a willingness to overcome my fears contribute to the acceptance I have of my social anxiety.

I have realized the benefits of my anxiety and how it has pushed me to expend myself further than if I never had the disorder in the first place. Accepting my disorder has allowed me to come to terms with who I am, learn to think rationally and practice new thoughts, deep breathing exercises, and relaxation. Acceptance has taught me to expend myself outside of my comfort zone and purposefully put myself in uncomfortable positions in order to break my habit of anxious thoughts. No longer introverted by my irrational social anxiety, I take part in many groups that put me in positions of leadership or having to work with new people. For example, I am a part of my high school's Leadership team as a member of the ASB Executive Council and a part of the California Association of Student Leaders.

This role challenges me to consistently take and effectively use criticism, as well as make myself vulnerable while promoting other student leaders to connect diverse student populations within schools. Additionaly, volunteering for organizations like SkiDUCKS and helping others less fortunate than myself has helped propel me even further forward. I utilize the tools I have learned so that not only am I non-symptomatic, but I have gained valuable insight, acceptance and pride in who I have become. Learning to live no longer defined by my anxieties has truly shaped who I am today. No longer do I avoid, isolate or alienate myself. Today, I initiate and assert myself in social situations or in front of a crowd and no longer worry about being met with judgment or rejection. Acceptance has given way to overcoming my anxieties. Using my tools, coping skills and experience,I hope to help others and make a positive difference in their lives.

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