A Personal Account of Overcoming Social Anxiety

It's getting hard to breathe. The world is spinning. My heart is pounding. My hands are shaking. I can't do this; or at least that's what I keep telling myself. There are six major types of anxiety disorders. I have the pleasure of having social anxiety. Social anxiety is when a person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social Situations. I never thought I had a problem. It's normal to be nervous when you meet new people or have to give a speech. I thought it was normal until I started shaking and getting lightheaded. I was stubborn and never told anyone. That was my downfall. It just kept getting worse and worse. Freshman year is where everything seemed to go downhill. I would never admit it to myself until junior year. I had always been quiet and kept to myself mostly, but I had a set group of friends. Even though I've known most of them for what seems like forever; I felt like I didn't fit in. As if I couldn't be myself around them. I lost so many amazing friendships because of this. As the months went on I felt overwhelmed and fell into a minor depression. I became anti-social which didn't help at all. No one seemed to notice I was changing, except for one person: myself.

During this time, it was hard to even say "here" during role call in class. I had to mentally prepare myself to say one word. One word almost sent me into an anxiety attack daily. I was letting this thing control my life, and I was tired of living by it's rules. T decided junior year was going to be the year that everything changeds. It was time for me to take back my life. I would not allow my anxiety to run my life anymore. The changes couldn't just start over night. It would take a couple of small but important steps. I never had a set plan of steps. I just went with what seemed right. My first step was try to be happier. To many people this wouldn't make sense; as many say you can't make yourself happier. 1o many people this wouldn t make sense, as many say you can't make yourselt happier. I had heard that time and time again. But My definition of happiness is different than that of others. Happiness, to me, is being able to smile, laugh, and generally have a good outlook on life. I wanted to be able to smile a real smile and not a fake one I gave when asked if I was okay. I tend to find joy in the litle things.

A picture with an inspirational quote; an example would be everyone is capable eable of looking up and wishing up a star." Music would be a song associated with great memories; like the song that always plays when on the way to the movies with my best friends. I love to paint and write though I don't think I'm very good at either of them. I just use my mood and write or paint whatever comes to mind. The thing that makes me the happiest is the night sky. I love watching the sunset and seeing the stars come out at night. It reminds that no matter what happens the sun will always set and the stars will start to appear and a new day will began. Plus, I'm a huge astrology nerd; I know a thing or two about outer space. This first step was going great and I decided it was time to move on to the next part of the plan. The next step was to interact with my friends and family more. Nothing major but maybe something like a simple hello or good morning; something small. It wasn't easy at all. I often felt awkward and out of place. This lasted a few weeks before a got comfortable talking to people. It LISed to take took me a lot of thinking just to say the simplest things. I realized suddenly that the overwhelming feeling was gone. It had disappeared with me not even knowing it. It was a mystery to me until I figured out that if I focused on the words coming out of someone's mouth; nothing else really mattered.

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I never knew how to stop the feeling of overwhelmingness until one day I found a little trick: concentration. I have never felt better after that. I felt like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. As second semester came around, I was doing great. I felt like I belonged somewhere. That was until I walked into my first period and realized I knew no one in there. I took a seat in the back and watched the classroom fill up around me. I was desperately hoping for a friend or someone I knew well.Soon the seats filled up, I looked around as the bell rang. I was surrounded by people that I didn't. Of course, I knew some people, but I didn't really know them. I started to feel that overwhelming feeling again. I managed to calm myself down by closing my eyes, blocking the sound of everyone, and taking a few deep breathes. The day just seemed to keepP getting worse and worse. First period seemed to be the start of a trend. Second period I was alone. Third period I was alone. The day seemed to keep getting worse and worse until fourth period. The last period of the day, I had class with a friend. I knew from day one, I would struggle in my three other classes.

For the first couple of weeks, I felt alone and out of place. I guess my next step was making new friends with the people in my classes. Slowly, but surely, I began to make friends with the people that were around me. I wasn't letting my anxiety define me. There were still times where I felt overwhelmed, but it would come and go throughout the year. My anxiety faded into the background. Everything was and still is going great. I am back in control of my life and I refuse to give up control again. I still struggle with talking in front of people. I can't go up and give a speech to my class; let alone 500 hundred people. I have gotten out of my comfort zone getting more in clubs and activities outside of school. I'm running for president of my school's chapter of National BETA Club (which I did not get. I lost to Jabril.). I feel in control of my life and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I refuse to be defined by something that isn't me.

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