An Evaluation of Myself Through Discussion of My Weaknesses

I have always possessed the intrinsic motivation to learn, particularly when it comes to psychology. Since late elementary and early middle school, I have been eager to learn about what drives people to do the things they do. My freshman year of high school when I learned that AP Psychology was an available course, I eagerly awaited my junior year when I would be allowed to sign up for the class. When that time came, I found out that the only class offered was during the same time as Symphonic Choir, and that was something I just couldn't give up. I decided to sign up for regular psychology but still study on my own in order to take the AP test.

Psychology became my favorite class, and I excelled at the work and understanding the concepts. The workload in regular psychology ended up being a lot more than I would have expected for a non-AP class, but I loved it and took advantage of every second. When it came time to take the AP test, I was well prepared and earned a score of 5 without having to take the actual class. Learning about psychology doesn't feel like work to me; I gladly study it on my own time, reading articles and psychology books at home. My love for psychology means that for several years, I have had the same vision for my future: to become a psychologist. This vision may change in the future, but for now, I have a strong sense of who I want to be because I love to learn.

My friends and family agree that while I am more on the introverted side, I am not lacking in the self-confidence department. I was not always this confident and comfortable with myself; in fact, throughout elementary school and most of middle school I was the quintessential shy, diligent student. My involvement in school activities was one of the major contributors to building my morale, especially my extensive participation in choir. I have been involved in choir since 6th grade, but it didn't start to really impact my self-esteem until freshman year of high school.

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With a new teacher and a new program, I took advantage of my chance to reinvent the way I fit into the choir, transitioning from simply a member to a prominent and respected leader in the class. I found myself leading section meetings, playing musical parts on the piano and giving feedback to my section. In addition, I had not been the type of person to try out for solos in the past, but the amount of encouragement I received from my teacher and classmates inspired me to audition for multiple solos throughout the year.

I didn't get chosen for all of them, but the experience of auditioning and becoming accustomed to singing by myself really contributed to my sense of confidence. Fast forward three years through multiple advanced ensembles and participation in Vocal Jazz and it is clear that I am a very different person now than who I was prior to and during freshman year. I answer questions confidently, ask for help when I need it, and use the confidence and leadership skills I have acquired to consistently motivate myself and the group to keep progressing. These skills have carried over into all other aspects of my life, and though I am not extremely extroverted or outgoing, I am calm, collected, and sure of myself in nearly all settings. This sense of confidence has helped me in terms of leadership, setting and accomplishing goals, and moving forward through life's struggles.

Because I set high expectations for myself and others, it can be hard for me to understand when people don't live up to these standards. This often leads to me being overly critical of others. There have been several occasions where I have argued with my family because of a negative comment I made pertaining to another family member's actions or even personal traits. I often felt guilty about these comments, but the critical part of me wanted to blame the other person- it was their fault because they said or did something that I found unacceptable.

Over the years, I have learned that there is no benefit to having a sharp tongue and pointing out other people's traits or actions that I perceive as flaws. I have learned that people will always say and do things that I disagree with or don't approve of, but reacting aggressively does not help either of us. Whenever I get the immediate urge to react combatively or make a sharp comment, I stop and ask myself two things. Number one, is this even worth getting upset over? Do I really need to waste my valuable energy stressing over this small thing? Most of the time, the answer is no.

At this point, I withhold my reaction and let go of the irritant. If I do decide that the issue is worth calling attention to, I try to reform my negative emotions into a logical, collected state. Only then do I speak up. My family and close friends have told me that I have made noticeable positive changes in my behavior, and for this I am proud of myself. Of course, I am not and will probably never be the calmest and least excitable person in the world, but I have made huge leaps of progress and hope to continue doing so. I try to focus my criticism into helpful and positive ways instead of being destructive and ineffective in my methods of communication. With this knowledge of myself, I look forward to a calmer, smoother future both in my personal life and in my academic and professional career.

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