Marriage could mean differently for every person, but most people would agree that marriage is the union of a man and a woman. Marriage is part of almost every people’s life in the world. Regardless of religion, culture or customs, and constitutional practice, most people tend to have the same opinion on marriage. They believe that marriage usually brings stability, happiness, and meaning to human beings (The Heritage Foundation, 2008). However, the occurrence of problems in marriage is inevitable, no matter how hard each individual tries to avoid it.In marriage, there are always conflicts and problems that a couple may experience due to various reasons. The differences in the couple’s attitude, beliefs, characteristics, and personalities are some of the sources of problems or conflicts in marriage. As each and every individual has a personality that is different from others, couples may sometimes have misunderstandings as they try to resolve their differences (Berlin, 2008). Financial concerns may also bring about problems among married couples.
Since money is important, problems arising from financial matters can be very difficult to deal with, regardless of who earns the money and how each individual spends it. Moreover, couples usually clash when it comes to money matters. For instance, one of the spouses may have the tendency to spend a lot, while the other may be thrifty, resulting in a conflict between them.
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Since sex is a part of marriage, it can also be a source of problem for married couples. For example, if one of the spouses loses interest in sex or does not sexually satisfy his or her partner, it may result in a conflict between partners.
Likewise, boredom can also be a problem with couples. For instance, one of the partners may have another interest that is different from the other. If that is the case, one of them may feel bored and lose interest in the company of his or her partner.
In relation to this, another source of problem in marriages is lack of intimacy. Either of the couple may feel this way for various reasons (Ross, 2008). One of these reasons could be neglect. As one becomes too busy and engrossed with his or her work and other activities, he or she may forget his or her responsibility as a wife or husband to one another.
This problem may also result in other problems, such as infidelity. Neglect is one of the many reasons why a married person engages in extramarital affairs. Consequently, many marriages have been ruined by extramarital affairs. Trust is highly important in marriage. It serves as the foundation of the couples’ relationship.
Hence, infidelity can destroy that foundation, sometimes resulting in an irreconcilable conflict between the married couple. In such cases, restoring their relationship could be very difficult, especially if one of the spouses lost his or her partner’s trust due to his or her unfaithfulness.
Physical violence, which has been a continuous problem in the society, can also occur among married couples. In most cases, the victims are women, as some women end up becoming a battered wife. Likewise, non-violent raging behavior is regarded as another problem that can arise in a couple’s life.
This behavior is mostly exhibited by women. It usually involves nagging, yelling, or screaming at their husbands (Marriage Problems First Aid Kit, 2008). There are still some minor problems that can be seen in married couples such as substance-related problem wherein either partner is involved in alcohol abuse or drug use.
However, the worst problem that can come to a couple’s marriage is when one or both partners agree to have a divorce because of the various problems that were mentioned above (Taylor, 2008). The common problems discussed earlier that are present in marriage affect each couple in various ways. If both are working, it is likely that work will get affected, and one may not be able to work well because of thinking too much about the problem. Marriage problems can also cause stress and depression.
If the married couple has a child, there is also a great tendency that the child will get affected too and might develop some psychological or behavioral problem because of what is happening in their parent’s relationship. The child’s performance in school might get affected as well, and they might not be able to concentrate well in school. If there is violence involved, trauma and stress may be experienced both by the child and the victim of violence. These problems usually affect the people involved emotionally.
If the couple does not manage to fix the problem and find a solution to their problem, either partners will be badly affected, and this would increase the possibility that he or she will do something that can cause another problem, such as getting involved in drugs, alcohol, infidelity, and other resources that will either help them forget about their problem or escape from it (Berlin, 2008). Problems in marriage are difficult to avoid no matter how hard each couple tries to shun them. It is impossible to have a problem-free and perfect relationship.
However, each couple can always try ways and different approaches to prevent problems from happening. The first and very important factor that a married couple should do is to have proper communication. There are many problems that are caused by lack of communication or miscommunication between partners. Married couples should always have constant communication with each other in every aspect of their life since they are bound to be together for better or for worse as they made a promise on their wedding day.
Compromising and communicating effectively will surely make the relationship harmonious, and married couples will be able to prevent or resolve their problem easily. In marriage, it is always important to have a give and take relationship.
Thus, both sides should make the effort to resolve their problems by communicating with each other openly and sincerely to keep their marriage and relationship peaceful. However, communication would not be effective if both partners would not listen intently to each other. They should also be humble enough to admit their mistakes and forgive their partner and themselves.
Having pride will not help as it will not resolve any conflicts. Marriage problems can always be stressful and hard to overcome for every people involved. Nevertheless, people can always find solutions and opportunities to resolve and save their marital relationship. The first thing that should be done is to understand and identify the problem in marriage and the possible reasons of the problem. When they already know the problem, then both partners can try to resolve the conflict by finding a solution by themselves and talking about the problem.
If this does not work, then the couples can always seek help and advice from their friends or families such as their parents who can give good advice and moral support. However, the best solution in marital problems is consulting help from professionals. Marriage counseling is always the best solution to this problem, and it is always recommended by people who have tried and experienced it. There are several benefits that married couples can gain from marriage counseling. For one, marriage counseling can resolve the problem healthily.
The couple can also learn a lot of things in terms of how to keep a successful marriage. Both spouses can also get to develop relationship skills that will be beneficial in their marriage. Hence, in marriage, it is always advised for couples to consult a counselor, regardless of the gravity of the problem, so that they can always take necessary actions to prevent conflicts and problems in their marriage. Lastly, attending marriage seminars and couple retreats can also be also a solution to marriage problems.
Such events were proven to help couples in maintaining a healthy relationship (Meyer, 2008). Marriage is a beautiful relationship that the couple can keep for a lifetime. On the other hand, problems are always part of every relationship. Thus, it is very important for every couple to understand each other and always have proper communication to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. There are always solutions for every problem. Hence, married couples should always try their best to keep the relationship and make it work not only for their own benefit but for their children’s as well (Berlin, 2008).
Berlin, G. (2004, May). The Effects of Marriage and Divorce on Families and Children.
MDRC. Retrieved November 21, 2008 from http://www.mdrc.org/publications/386/testimony.html.
Marriage Problems First Aid Kit. (2008, August 25). Cary Counseling Center. Retrieved November 21, 2008 from http://www.carycounseling.com/door/Hot/marriageproblemsfakhot.htm.
Meyer, C. (2008). Benefits of Marriage Counseling. About.com Retrieved November 21, 2008 from http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/canorshoulditbesaved/qt/marriagecounsel.htm.
Ross, T. (2008). Common Marriage Problems. Streetdirectory. Retrieved November 21, 2008 from http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/56581/divorce_and_infidelity/common_marriage_problems___neglect.html.
Taylor, D. (2008, August 27). Typical Marriage Problems That Lead to Divorce. Ezine Articles. Retrieved November 21, 2008 from http://ezinearticles.com/?Typical-Marriage-Problems-That-Lead-to-Divorce&id=1433804.
The Heritage Foundation. (2008). What is marriage?. Heritage Research. Retrieved November 21, 2008 from http://www.heritage.org/Research/Family/MarriageDebate/WhatIsMarriage.cfm.
A Study on the Victorian Model of Marriage
The Victorian Era was a period in history from about 1837 to 1901, during the reign of Queen Victoria. It was a time of great growth and strides for England.
The country was gaining profits from overseas and industrial improvements were making it easier and more profitable for businesses and for the home front.
The social class between families and income levels became more prominent and defined during this era. However, even with all of the improvements and advancements in industrial and social status, the Victorian marriage still remained somewhat antiquated, especially when compared to the modern marriage model of today’s world.
Before a couple decide to get married, they must first meet and obtain a certain level of relationship status to be able to proceed to marriage. In the 21st century, people meet, date, fall in love and get married.
How they meet varies as well. They could meet at a dance club, Church, work, or even off of a dating site on the Internet. In contrast, the Victorian era looked at meeting a potential spouse a lot differently. “Courtship was considered more a career move than a romantic interlude for young men, as all of a woman's property reverted to him upon marriage” (Courting the Victorian Woman, 1).
A lot more thought and decision making went into meeting that special someone. The young ladies of the wealthier class who were going to be ‘coming out’ into the available market would spend months in preparation ahead of time.
New outfits had to be purchased, and they would need to make enough prominent acquaintances to receive the invitations to the best events where they could meet the most eligible bachelors.
“To get ready for courtship and marriage a girl was groomed like a racehorse. In addition to being able to sing, play an instrument and speak a little French or Italian, the qualities a young Victorian gentlewoman needed, were to be innocent, virtuous, biddable, dutiful and be ignorant of intellectual opinion” (A Woman’s Place in Victorian Society, 4).
While searching for a mate, the women are on display, showing off their best attributes, qualities and skills that would proclaim her the best wife for a bachelor. Once married, the women then take on an entirely different role in society.
“A woman's prime use was to bear a large family and maintain a smooth family atmosphere where a man need not bother himself about domestic matters. He assumed his house would run smoothly so he could get on with making money” (A Woman’s Place in Victorian Society, 4).
Victorian women were not supposed to have outside employment. Society believed that a woman’s sole job was to take care of home, hearth, children, and to do whatever necessary to help her husband succeed in his business.
“The job of a woman was to organize parties and dinners to bring prestige to her husband, making it possible for them to meet new people and establish economically important relationships. Her real job was devoting time to the children and maintaining the house” (Marriage in the Victorian Era, 2).
The modern day woman, in comparison, is usually a working wife and mother. She is expected to keep the home, hearth and children together while also earning income, which sometimes may even be the larger income of the household. Today’s society almost demands a double income to survive, even comfortably.
Although there are still a few women who are stay at home moms, the majority of modern day women have at least a part time job to help supplement the income. While men of the Victorian era expect their wives to stay home and not have a job outside the home, many modern day men actually want and expect their spouse to help financially. Women today have a lot more say in decisions and matters of the home than they did in the Victorian era.
“Married women had rights similar to the rights of children. A married couple was considered as one person. The husband was responsible for his wife and controlled her.
The wife was to obey her husband, and do as he pleased. All property was controlled by the husband. Even if a woman brought personal property into the marriage, the man automatically took control of it. Most women, especially those in the upper class, were not to have a job” (Marriage in the Victorian Era, 2).
The 21st century woman has a lot more control and rights. She can vote, have her own finances, and even sue her husband for divorce and property. Many of the modern day weddings have even excluded the “obey” commandment out of their wedding vows.
In the Victorian ages, the roles of husband and wife and marriage were clearly defined, with each knowing what was expected of them, not only from their spouse, but from society as well. The modern day marriage model is not so clearly defined and, not surprisingly, causes confusion and debates on just how a marriage should work.
An interesting couple from the Victorian era who did not conform completely to society’s image of marriage was Elizabeth Barrett Browning and her husband, Robert Browning. At a time when women were supposed to stay home and make their home, children and husband their only career, Elizabeth Barrett Browning spent much of her time writing.
Her husband, instead of being furious and embarrassed, or strictly forbidding her to work, helped and encouraged her with her writings. “Laws, social practices and economic structures narrows women's choices for meaningful roles in society.
The people of this era emphasized the ideology of the home. They felt it was extremely important for women to preserve the identity of the home” (Marriage in the Victorian Era, 2). Although society would have had Mrs. Browning staying home and not working, they still appreciated her writings and her husband encouraged her to succeed.
The roles and rules of the marriage model have vastly changed since the Victorian era.
“The progression from Victorian marriage to modern marriage was a slow process. In the 1960's the sexual revolution was a time when women began to exert their power and freedoms more publicly. At this point in history women were beginning to marry for happiness and not as a result of coercion” (Women's History Then ; Now – Marriage, 3).
The casual greeting and meeting of the opposite sex does not require seeing each others’ bank accounts to see if they are a financial match, shopping for the perfect clothes months in advance, or following such strict guidelines and etiquette as in the Victorian era. Women today are able to make their own choices, manage their own homes and careers and be in a marriage that is a partnership financially and romantically.
1. Hoppe, Michelle J. “Courting the Victorian Woman.” December 4, 2008.
2. “Marriage in the Victorian Era.” December 4, 2008.
3. “Women's History Then & Now – Marriage.” December 4, 2008.
4. Thomas, Pauline Weston. “A Woman's Place in Victorian Society - Social and
Fashion history.” December 4, 2008.
Should Marriage Preparation Classes Be Required for Engaged Couples?
Many contemporary couples have problems in their houses because they were not prepared to get married. Furthermore, couples who were prepared have problems. In the last decade more and more couples are taking marriage classes before they get married. Many people reject the classes because for them it is a ridiculous thing. Also, they believe that a couple has to learn from its own problems, not with classes. Nevertheless, marriage preparation classes should be required for engaged couples because those classes teach the couples how to prepared for what is in store for them, deal with marriage troubles, and have confidence in their partner.
These days, couples are marrying without the knowledge that you will get more responsibilities if you get married, and those couples must get more trouble at home. Therefore, marriage preparation classes prepare those couples who want to avoid those kinds of problems. All those classes prepare the couples and teach them about what is in store for them. When someone gets married he or she has to acknowledge what kind of responsibilities he or she is getting.
When people get married they lose many things that they used to do. They have to forgot too many hobbies, things they used to do and also friends. Moreover, they have to prepare themselves for children and all the responsibilities that a child give to someone. Furthermore, they have to support a family; they have to work, get a job, and so on. Those problems are taught by a marriage preparation class.
There is another thing that a marriage preparation class teaches: how to deal with marriage problems. In the first or second year for a couple after they get married, maybe they will not have an encountered with any problems. However, when the responsibilities are increasing more and more the problems start to appear. Maybe those problems are: the husband is not at home too much time, the husband or wife’s salary is not enough to pay bills, they have a lack of time to be together and to share sentiments, and so on. When those problems appear, the couples start to be desperate and probably they will divorce. However, those couples who take the class know how to deal with those problems. They will know how to make a conversation with the partner without an argument.
Marriage preparation classes make a kind of confidence in the couple. Those classes teach how to have confidence with the partner, and how to create confidence. The most common case of unconfidence is when he or she is thinking “My partner is having an affair”. The confidence in a relationship is the most important thing because it creates security and also love. Moreover, the confidence that a couple has in each other is important to make a stronger relationship. As a result, the husband or wife will not have any doubt about his or her husband or wife.
In conclusion, the marriage preparation classes are very important to have a successful relationship in the future. Therefore, those classes should be required for engaged couples. When you will get married remember to be assisted by those classes, they will make you a better husband or wife. If you be assisted by those classes, your relationship will be better and comfortable.
Marriage Marriage is a legal agreement with a long history, which provided for males and females who willing to build a family with each other. However, in the modern society, with the divorce rate tend to be higher and higher, there are more and more controversy on whether it is necessary to get married for modern lifestyle. It is suggested that marriage can bring a great deal of pressure. They have the free right to have more choice by themselves. Whereas marriage can build commitment relationship between person to person, which is important not only to a family, but also to the whole society.
This essay will analyse the reasons why marriage is outmoded firstly, and then why marriage is still necessary for modern society will be proved. At present, there is an increasing number of citizens argue that marriage institution is out of date. According to The Economist(2011), it shows some statistics on marriage change. The three main change are later marriage, less marriage and more divorce. It appears that marriage tend to be less and less popular in the modern life. Besides the higher divorce rate make people scare about it.
A large amount of married people make the wrong decision and end up by divorce or in a passionless and frustration relationship. Therefore, it appears to argue that the paperwork of marriage is unnecessary for the modern lifestyle. It is time to change the institution. Furthermore, a growing number of individuals stand up for same-sex marriage. However, under the current laws, each parent should belong to different sex, so the gay couples have no legal right to get married, also to the children. That is the part of reason that an increasing number of individuals are opposed to traditional marriage.
Last of all, more and more superstar will not choose married, especially in western countries. That might have an effect on individuals. Diaz(2011) claims that marriage is an old tradition, which do not suit this world any longer. There is no divorce without marriage, therefore when love break up, change could be moved on at nay time. As the Archbishop of Canterbury, Williams(1999) pointed out that people will always find something better, faster, shinier just around the corner. Thus it is commonly believed that couples live together for a lifetime is unreasonable for modern age.
There is increasing pressure on social work, individuals might have the free choice and right on their own marriage. It seems that the traditional marriage institution might be in crisis in modern society, but marriage is still play an important role for current and future society. There are widely positive meaning for both children and adults. While the idea that marriage is obligatory is still held by many others. First and foremost, family is not just mean love, in fact, it is more important for couples realize friendship, trust, support and commitment.
A study on Waite and Gallagher(2000) conducted that it would be happier, healthier and better off financially on married people. The evidence suggests that getting married and keeping a wife could improve a man's income as much as an education, the health of a man would be as well as improved. While being single might take almost ten years off a man's life. Marriage can reveal the emotional, physical, economic and sexual benefits to individuals and whole society. It might be one of the most basic and universal of all human institutions.
Besides, the commitment of marriage probably could improve not only the stable society, but also a better environment for children grow up healthy. If children grow up with not committed parents, they would be hard to learn the sense of responsibility. It would appear negative effects on a generation relationships. Lee(2011) claims that as half of marriages end up with divorce in some western countries, half of all children are born out of wedlock, the possible main cause of recent riots in Britain is the absence of each parental guidance or filial respect.
A growing number of young individuals do not want a relationship with strings attached any more, they have less willingness to take any family responsibilities. Therefore, a solid family could give a better education and status for their children, it would appear less problem. Furthermore, as high rates of divorce and unmarried childbearing cause a larger portion of social problems, some governments carry out relevant law and public policy to support marriage and reduce unnecessary divorce. Though, it is perhaps that marriage connect up with boring and limiting life.
The commitment of marriage is important for both individuals and whole society. Great efforts should make by person to person to create harmonious environment. Griffith(1963) states that the best way to solve marriage problem is by availably education for family life. On the evidence of the findings presented in other nations and civilizations, made marriage preparation could help a couple to create a better stable life environment. It is possible that marriage crisis situation might be improved with the widespread marriage education.
The issue on whether the traditional marriage is out of date is highly debatable, particularly for modern individuals. Ideals vary from person to person. Some would claim that the marriage with higher divorce rate could not meet the needs of individuals, it tend to be a redundant constraint for current free and open society. While some other may suggest that marriage is probably essential for all over the world and bring a large amount of benefit for individuals and whole society. Otherwise, there might be cause a growing number of society crisis.
To summarize, there is a strong argument that marriage have the function for developing relationship between person to person, adults to children and whole society. With the situation of current marriage crisis, marriage education and preparation might be necessary and useful for individuals. Bibliography The Economist (2011). The flight from marriage. Available from:http://www. economist. com/node/21526350 [Accessed 30/08/2011]. Diaz, C. (2011). Cameron Diaz thinks marriage is outdated. Available from: http://anythinghollywood. com/2011/05/cameron-diaz-thinks-marriage-outdated/? cAC=1-album=1 [Accessed 28/08/2011]. Williams, R, (1999). Is marriage an outdated institution? Available from: http://news. bbc. co. uk/1/hi/talking_point/452257. stm [Accessed 31/08/2011]. Waite L. J. and Gallagher M. (2000). The case for marriage: why married people are happier, healthier, and better off financially. America: Doubleday. Lee K. Y. (2011). Asia's lonely hearts. The Economist. (Aug 20th 2011). Available from: http://www. economist. com/node/21526350 [Accessed 31/08/2011]. Griffith E. F. (1963). Modern Marriage. 26th ed. Britain: Richard Clay.
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