Invent Your Own Religion

Skylar Mabe Religious Experiences Coffee Cult The Coffee cult was created as a unifying religion.

Drinkers of the bitter liquid accept all kinds of drinkers: milk and sugar, honey, no sugar, no milk, black and even decaf. Members of the Coffee Cult, the drinkers, battled the likes of the tea, hot chocolate and soda drinkers for land and power since the beginning of time. In fact, the coffee cult was the most victorious among beverage worshipers. Because all pure beans have a bit of caffeine, the crusaders were able to stay awake longer than all the other thirsty ones.The coffee crusades took place over 100 years to conquer the holy lands of South America, where the sacred bean first flourished. Since then, the crusades continue over much land in Africa and some parts of Europe. The cult began in the 1400s when the bean was first discovered.

The wealthy first had rights to the indulgent drink until a group of around the clock laborers caught wind of the side effects of The Bean. The laborers worked from sun-up until sun-down but could never produce enough of anything to make a product. They stole The Bean and began experimenting. They cooked with it and crushed it into powder.They chewed it and put it on their skin but nothing could come close to The Bean and water. The ingredients were so simple, anyone could do it- and that’s exactly what they loved. The laborers didn’t have to be rich to experience the caffeine high, they just had to boil water and mix it with their stolen goods.

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“Coffee” as it would soon be known as was brewed at 6am, before nobility woke up and after the laborers had been awake for hours. They would brew it quickly and drink it slowly. Although it helped production by 200%, there was only a small amount of people who would go the lengths to steal it from the wealthy and bring it back.They were known as the Coffee Cult. One day the cult stole enough to brew and to plant so they traveled to the rainforests of South America, far away from the wealthy and began cultivation of what became one of the most sacred beverages in the world. The morning time is sacred to all Drinkers. All devout drinkers rise at 6am to enjoy at least 2 cups of coffee before starting their day; however, the only way to be looked down upon as a Drinker is to NOT have had a cup of coffee by 1400 hours.

There are many different levels of the Coffee Cult; the highest and most respected are the coffee crusaders.They must learn all there is to learn about coffee in order to fight for it. In order to be a coffee crusader, you must first go through all stages of The Bean. The beginning stage is the first step in all coffee rituals and all rituals take place at 1400 hours. Stage One: Thirsty one becomes a Drinker The thirsty one must drink a cup of pure (black) coffee, and savor a bean- taking care of it all day until the dawn of a new day where the bean must be consumed. If there are any imperfections due to lack of care for the Bean, the thirsty one must wait 14 days to try the ceremony again.Once the bean in consumed the thirsty one is then considered a Drinker.

Although there are many stages one can excel to, the common name for all cult members is “a Drinker. ” Stage Two: Drinker becomes a Brewer In the second stage to becoming a crusader you must first learn how to reproduce the black gold. A ceremonial iron coffee maker is given to the drinker. The drinker carries the iron machine to his/her kitchen where he makes his first cup of coffee for his family and closest friends; they serve as the witnesses for this stage. On rare occasions, this stage is also used to convert a thirsty one to a drinker.It is considered a sacred and once in a lifetime experience when the new Brewer can brew coffee for a thirsty one to convert them to a drinker. Stage Three: Brewer becomes a Grinder Anyone can brew a cup of coffee but it takes an expert and lover of The Bean to be able to posses the knowledge to grind The Bean.

To become a Grinder, there are 2 parts: Self-grinding and machine-grinding. The first part is learning the texture of The Bean. To learn the texture and smell the aroma one must grind The Bean with a mortar and pestle. A ceremonial 14 beans are self-grinded and kept beside the coffee maker for the life of the Drinker.The second part of becoming a Grinder takes place the next day at 1400 hours. A ceremonial iron grinder is again taken to the kitchen where close family and friends witness the brewer count out the number of beans it takes to make 12 cups of coffee and insert them into the grinder where they are used to brew the pot of coffee for the transformation cup. Not until the Brewer finishes his pure cup of coffee is he a Grinder.

Stage Four: Public Dedication In order to become a Barista, one must first show their love and dedication, not only to their family and closest friends but also to all believers.The Grinder will wake up for 14 days (these days do not have to be in a row) at 5am to go to his or her local “coffeehouse” (an optional place with multiple brewers and grinders where all drinkers can meet and have coffee before they start their day) to brew and grind coffee for the other drinkers. Because those 14 days do not have to be completed consecutively, the public dedication could take anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months. Once this stage is finished, the Drinker is judged on his coffee by the members of his coffeehouse.Depending on his score, he may be able to attend Barista School. If the Drinker does not make a high enough score this step must be repeated until he is able to move on; however, many drinkers end their journey here. To be able to make coffee for a group of people outside of friends is a high honor.

If the Drinker does make a high score, he is ready for schooling and could possibly get paid for public coffee making. Stage Five: Becoming a Barista School for the drinker lasts 14 weeks. It’s a rigorous course in which The Drinker goes home to home to learn of different types of coffee.After that The Drinker studies The Bean through science, religion, its artistic appearance and its aroma. The most important step in becoming a Barista is the reproduction of The Bean. Once the Drinker masters growing The Bean on his own, he is ready for the final stage: The Perfect Pairings. Some perfect pairing for the bean consist of warmed milk, water, caramel, chocolate and whipped cream.

Once they graduate from their schooling and training, they become a Barista and are eligible for pay in the coffeehouse, if they chose that as a career.Stage Six: The Crusader arises The gap between a Barista and a Crusader is small but meaningful. If there is a need, any and all Baristas will be called into battle and immediately become a Crusader. If there is no need for battle, a Barista can chose to study under 2 past crusaders and begin a coffee farm. The act of growing a large amount of coffee beans for the cult’s use can also make a Barista a Crusader. Only a Crusader can grow the bean, otherwise it will wilt and taste sour. Without coffee growing education, no Bean will grow properly.

The Coffee Cult depends on the crusader to further their Coffee kingdom and keep The Bean in stock. Although not everyone can become a crusader, it takes almost ten years, everyone can learn a little about coffee through their family and the stages they wish to go through. Since the beginning of the coffee cult, the wealthy and the laborers have dissolved their problems and have learned to be connoisseurs of caffeine together. Recently there has been a great rift in the Coffee Cult. The Caffeinated drinkers and the Decaffeinated drinkers have differed in what they believe is the root of their religion.Some think it is the feeling of being stimulated, rather it be in the morning or afternoon, even at night. Some think it is simply the aroma and the taste that keep the religion alive.

There has always been some disagreement between The Drinkers but never anything like this. Some Coffeehouses have split because of the separating beliefs; families have even been torn apart due to this widespread disagreement but one thing is certain, every Drinker, be it caffeine, or Decaff will fight for The Bean in its pure state and surrender their taste buds to the so bitter its sweet, black gold.

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