Different Parenting Styles
There are many different ways of parenting children.Some are more favorable than others and some can even damage one’s emotional future, causing problems such as anxiety, unhappiness, and other low self-esteem issues.Although there are four distinct parenting styles, many parents are often somewhere in between a couple on the scale.
My parents often took to the authoritative style, which is known currently as the most successful approach. The authoritative parent is involved in their child’s life and is accepting as well as sensitive to their needs.
Sometimes, I could see my parents as being authoritarian, which is common because many parents find a kind of medium between these two styles. Unlike authoritative, the authoritarian parenting style is highly ineffective. However, there is a contrast of the severity of the authoritarian style. Authoritarian parents are portrayed as criticizing and bitter, often yelling, threatening, and habitually resorting to punishment instead of the warm guiding ways of the authoritative parent. The authoritarian side of my upbringing was often used by my father.Although spanking is commonly frowned upon, my dad used spanking as a way to show me right from wrong, and I believe that he used the punishment in the best way it could possibly be used. I was spanked when I brought bad grades home from school, when I showed bad behavior, and especially when I lied.
This punishment was used, I think, in a way of encouragement to better myself. On the other hand, my mother was the one who used the authoritative style. She began using the technique when I got older and more mature, I believe, because I could understand another’s point of view.When I did something wrong against another person, my mom would sit me down and tell me why I was wrong and how the situation appeared to the other person. The effects of different parenting styles vary from family to family, but they are often very similar. As a child, I showed a lot of the characteristics of a child of authoritarian parents, such as low self-esteem, shyness, and anger. However, as I matured, I began showing more characteristics of a child of authoritative parents.
I became more social, got a higher self-esteem, and realized that my problem solving skills have increased. My best friend growing up was Allison. Her parents were a constant conversation topic for us, as they were not the best parents in the world. I guess you would call them extreme authoritarians. They utilized extreme control, insisted on absolute obedience, and constantly criticized her. Eventually, this threw her into an all-time low self-esteem, which is something that commonly occurs to children of authoritarian parents.Furthermore, she had become anxious and withdrawn.
Because authoritarian parents often take on a type of psychological control, which includes behaviors that intrude on and manipulate children’s verbal expression, individuality, and attachments to parents, Ally became defiant and angry as well. Her parents wanted to decide practically everything for her, and in the process, put down her ideas and decisions and made clear that they disapproved of her friends. Authoritarian parents often withdraw their love from their children.Ally’s parents were one of these parents. An example is how her parents had supported her decision to go to her dream college. Once she got the acceptance letter, they withdrew their blessing, along with the financial help they had promised her. She no longer has an opportunity to go to college.
Another example, and major distress to her, Ally’s parents kicked her out of their house before she turned seventeen, and she has been bouncing from house to house ever since. Unlike me, because Ally’s parents were extremely authoritarian, Ally did not turn out as well.Don’t get me wrong, she was a nice, sociable girl growing up. But as she matured, she sought out love and attention in guys. I figure that because her father never gave her the proper love or attention, she turned to various guys to find the “love” and attention she craved. As far as my relationships go, I believe that my parents did a good job with the way they acted around me. What I mean is, seeing the way my parents treated each other as equals definitely influenced my outlook on relationships in a positive way.
They are a huge influence on me but I don’t exactly “hear” their voices when I am doing something they would consider unfavorable. Once in a while when I am in those situations, I do feel a bit of remorse towards what I am doing. I figure that it is from the autonomy granting and problem solving qualities of authoritative parenting. Before taking this class, I had thought very little of how I would parent my future children. I did not even know that there were different styles of parenting.When I learned about the distinct styles of child rearing, I began to think of which style my parents had used. I also started considering what style I might use.
I decided that I like the way my parents raised me, contrary to my prior beliefs. I like how they balanced their parenting between authoritative and authoritarian, leaning more to the authoritative side, of course. There are a few exceptions to their style, though, that I would like to change into my own parenting style. For instance, I would like to use even more of an authoritative style than an authoritarian one, than my parents had.