Everyone have experiences in their life. These experiences could be the incidents which was happened in someone else life or in our life. Some people learn lessons from their experiences and some experiences change the peoples life automatically. Who am I? is my best personal experience I have ever had in my life . During all of my primary school times, I seemed as if I were hiding behind a mask. When I was at home I was a totally different person. At school I was trying to be a person who could fit in, but the more I tried the more it didn’t seem to work.
Everywhere I went I would censor what I said depending on my surroundings and the people that were with me. Most of the time I would not say anything at all because I was afraid of being embarrassed. I would always have to change my mode when different people were around me. It was horrible; I hated it. I was getting sick and tired of always being someone I was not. It was about the middle of the summer of 1998, when I was at grade nine, that I realized that being two different people was the worst thing that I could done to myself and that I did have other options.
Around that time, a major influence on my life was my cousin, Thilani. She taught me that I would only live once and that I should be the person that I was and not some one that just tries to fit in. We were sitting a in a coffee shop, one evening, when she asked me the one question than changed my life. “Who are you? ” When I first heard this question I hesitated to answer. This question opened a new door in my mind that had never been opened before. This was the first question that had actually made me think about myself and who I was.
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The more I thought about her question the more I realized that I had a decision to make; to be the person who tried to fit in and cared what other people thought or to be myself. For the past 15 years I had tried to fit in, and I had cared what other people thought and this hadn‘t seemed to work. So, for the first time, I was going to be myself. When I started to be myself, it seemed as if everything was different. I used to look at was only on the surface. I would not normally look deeply into a particular subject. When I was myself, the environment seemed as if it had a deeper meaning.
Every thing I saw, heard, smelled, and felt I would perceive it in a extremely different way than ever before. Because of this, I was able to take what I had learned and apply it to many different things. When I went back to school, things were completely changed, my view toward life had changed, the people around me changed and my relationship with my family was changed. For example, before I realized this, my grades at school were decent but not the best that could be because I was lazy. After I got to school everything kind of fell together, it all made sense.
I realized that if I did the work first I could be lazy later and not have to worry about it. As a result, my grades sky-rocketed in my senior year. In school, my circle of friends were people that I had been going to school with since sixth grade. I also had friends that were not in my circle. When I went back to school I decided to be one person, myself. After the first month, I realized that most of my friends were all single serving friends. That is, they were friends only during good times and that’s all. Most of my friends slowly parted from me because I went my own way.
I didn’t try to fit in. At this time in my life I found out who my real friends were and who I really was. As my attitude changed so did my relations with my family. My sister and I fought all the time. It was always about small stupid stuff that was not really relevant. One day while we were having a small quarrel, I stopped and took a step back and looked at the big picture. It hit me, I realized that I shouldn’t sweat for small stuff. People are not perfect, they do make mistakes. After this day it seemed as if my sister and I had the perfect relationship.
I was also able to really connect with the people in my family. The bond between my family and I has grown stronger ever since. Through what I have learned, I was able to put myself into other peoples shoes and see their point of view as well as my own, giving me new perspectives and insight in all areas of life. Everyday is a new day, and I take one day at a time. So, who am I? I am not a person who tries to fit in, I am not a person who cares what other people think, I am Anuththara, an individual, I am my own entity. So far, this has been, without a doubt, the best personal experience I had in my life.
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