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Significant Life Event
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One event in which all involved parties can still laugh about and I believed had brought a significant change to me, and affect me still today. My closest bond I have today it is my relationship with my mother. While our mother-daughter bond has been a blessing we have had the highs and lows of love. There were times when it has been joy and moments which can only be described as maneuvering through a minefield. Most females can relate to this journey through in life. In this relationship, hearts can be broken, feelings can be hurt, and the best intentions can turn a mistake into resentment.
With patience and lots of love a mother and daughter can be develop a friendship and a trusting bond strengthened for a lifetime. I can now say as I look back we made a turning point when I was eighteen years old. I had just married my high school sweetheart and the father of my child and had been still living at home with my mother. We are both the oldest child oldest in our family and hence were the example for the younger siblings. We both had plans to make something of our life. We both grew up in an urban area where a teenage pregnancy usually ended a person’s dreams for a better environment.
We had considered ourselves adults because we now had a child of our own. But this is hindsight; we thought we had all the answers. My first love and father of child, Robert decided he would enlist in the military and I would finish high school. When he completed boot camp and all the other required training the military deemed for him, his first duty station was thousands of miles away from home. No one could tell me anything about child rearing or the decisions I had made regarding my life. I did not appreciate the help I was receiving from his and my family.
With Robert enlisting in the military, we relocated from everyone to start a new life together. By the grace of God his first duty station after boot camp was Hawaii. Most people image Hawaii as paradise on earth, almost anyone including me, at least that was what thought at first. Needless to say when time came near for me to leave I could not wait to get away from my mother’s rules and meddling interfering. My mother and I had differences of opinions on everything, even on the way to the airport until I got on the plane.
Once I got to Hawaii to begin my new life, I remember not speaking to her for while except to let her know we made it there safely and besides this was actually a honeymoon for my husband and me. On the day we married he left and I did see him again for five months and we had some cuddling time to make up. Let me tell you once the honeymoon was over and we settled into married life I suddenly realized I was alone with a man who had a life, a job and friends. After I had done all the sight-seeking, daytime television watching, and culture adjustment. I suddenly realized I was home sick and missed my mother.
All I had was a two-year-old child that took the word terrible two to another level. The long distant phone calls began and I would call her for the littlest things, from how to cook this recipe, to what are you doing, how to budget and make ends meet, what happened at the last family party or get together and don’t forget to send me pictures of what was going on at home. It hit me that my mother actually knew best, she had the answers from how handle a terrible two year old, why men are the way they are, to why my hair was falling out and skin breaking out.
I was miserable with the life we had built and I could blame no one, not even my mother like as I had done so many times before. She was not around and could be blamed for this mess, but she was available by phone and we she would help me figure out what I needed to do to make this work. She suggested that I find something to do with my time, maybe get job, go to school or be more open to social life. I had alienated myself physically from everybody except a husband and a two-year-old child. As time past I adjusted to the island life and developed friendships.
A funny thing happened that me, my mother and ex-husband laughs about still today. The situation, reminds me, how much my mother really missed me and how strong our love is. Without our knowledge our home phone was not working properly. We were able to call out but not able to receive incoming calls. This fact was brought to our attention when the military police knock at our door. In my mind at the time a very big official military police officer was looking for my husband. Once he was identified they were inquiring about my where about.
The officer said “His mother-in-law had not heard from her daughter in about a week. ” It hit me that my mother had not gone more than a couple days with out hearing from me. Since then my husband was sure we make regular calls home to my mother so the law would not be knocking on our door looking for him. I have a much better appreciation of this relationship with the fact that I now have a grown daughter. I learned later in life the hard way that what comes around goes around. I had my own separation event with my daughter when she moved away for college
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