Good morning Doctor Bert – Creative Writing

Good morning Doctor Bert, how are you? Very good and yes I'm fine thank you. Now then students, this is doctor Bert one of the leading surgeons at saint heart hospital. Today we will be operating on a young male named dusanmandick from Austria. He took an overdose of cocaine and we have to take the remainder out of his stomach before it is absorbed in to the blood stream.

Would any one like to volunteer to start making the first incision? No David you can't, you're a porter, for god sake all you do is push beds around all day. Right as no one is putting there hands up I suppose you can do it Carla. Right then put the knife in then, yes very good keep going, right now stop. Suction, no Carla don't suck on the stomach I mean get the machine to suck the blood out of the way. Now we have cleaned that up I want you to start cutting in to the stomach.

Marvellous there we go can you see the white powder, success now Carla grab the swabs and start to dab the powder we should be able to save this guys life now. Wait there, his blood pressure is dropping, get a crash team immediately down here, Carla stand back, charging up to 230, stand clear. Still no response, charging to 270, stand clear. Still nothing. Ok Carla start CPR. Stop! There's a beat, right let's get back to this operation.

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Doctor Bert, doctor Bert wake up, thank you now help Carla out and start stitching back up the stomach. No we can not make your initials the scar. Harry your suppose to be observing not reading the kerrang magazine. I've had enough, Doctor Bert can you please take over. Where did you say he was Harry? He's gone to order a pizza, has this whole world gone insane? To start of with Carla started sucking on the lad's stomach she asked if we could turn the scar in to her initials, and now doctor Bert the person who should be helping me out has gone to order a flipping pizza. GOD ALMIGHTY HELP ME PLEASE? Say that again, your ring fell of your finger and is still in the lad's stomach why didn't you say now we need to open him back up and pull the ring out you stupid girl it would have been so much easier if you said.

56+ Right then Carla he's all yours open him up yes keep going right now get the ring out quickly before we have to start resuscitating him again. Carla get of your phone. Thank you now carry on, there it is grab it now for the final time Carla would you like to do the job of stitching up. Great, don't just look at me get on and do it.

Well done team after that sketchy operation we have finally got him back stable with the cocaine out of his stomach, I'm pretty sure no white powder will be entering his nose for a while. Welcome back dusanmandick, no I do not sell cocaine this is a respected hospital not a night club if we find out you have been taking any more crack cocaine there will be no more operations or treatment on the NHS for you. You will have to go private and pay for it yourself.

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