Owning Feelings

The purpose of this paper is to explain to you the skills I have used in communicating in relationships. I realized how I have been applying skills like owning feelings, sending clear messages, and describing feelings. Also other skills like coming from an “adult, child, or parent” places and using assertive behavior instead aggressive and passive behaviors. When I communicate mainly with my boyfriend, family, and friends, I see how the skills in communication in relationships really work.

From learning how to own my feelings, I have learned to let people make me feel something. When I communicate with my boyfriend, I see how much we don’t own our feelings. It’s always “you make upset”, “you make me sick”, instead of “when you are frequently late to pick me up, I feel upset, and I would appreciate it when you pick me up at the time I ask. ” I would always judge his behavior; like when he is laughing at the top of his lungs, I would call him inconsiderate because I feel to be so loud while I’m on the phone, is rude.

When I say those things, I don’t see that he doesn’t realize that I find he is being inconsiderate because he is not trying to be. That is just how he is. After looking back in the way my boyfriend and I handle situations, we both come from different places communication-wise. I always come from a “parent” place, and he comes from a "child” place. I realized this because in my nature, always wanting to help people, I tend to tell them what to do (I can admit).

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It works when I’m the leader of a group in class, but not on my boyfriend. I tend to tell him to clean up his mess & what he should do-just being on his case. I feel like he won’t do certain things unless someone is on him. I am this way because he doesn’t own up to his actions sometimes. He likes to blame me when something happens to him, like if I say something to his about doing him looking for a job and his mom over hears and then speaks about it to him, he blames me.

Instead of owning the fact that if he was already doing looking for a job, no one would bother him. I realize I need to let him make his mistakes and not act like his mother. In this paper I have discussed, how communication skills such as owning feelings, describing feelings, and sending clear messages affect communication in my relationships. I see that the things I say and my behavior can affect the climate of my relationship with my boyfriend. I tend his mother and he acts like my child.

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