Reflecting on An Experience That Changed My Life

As a child, I was told of the incredible power of God, and how he was the key to our eternal salvation. I always believed them enthusiastically, perhaps because of my naivety. When I became older, my life suddenly fell apart. Drugs and suicide permeated my circle of friends, leaving me crushed. In addition to that, I also dealt with many personal problems that were beyond complicated.

I prayed to God constantly so he could take my problems away. After an extended period, it became evident that help was never going to come. I felt betrayed and I quickly developed an abomination towards anyone who tried to convince me that any sort of benevolent divine being existed. The chorus from a song, "I'm Not Jesus" by Apocalyptica, was the epitome of my belief: "...when your whole world comes undone, let me be the one to say: I'm not Jesus. Jesus wasn't there."

After years of rejecting God's existence, I was old enough to begin the process of Confirmation. I inveighed against the idea many times, but my parents kept insisting that I receive the sacrament. I was so aggravated by the constant badgering that I ingratiated and reluctantly attended the first session. The moment I stepped into the annex, I felt like an interloper.

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There were so many of my peers who were enthusiastically discussing their faith, and I realized that I could not say that anything I've done matched the benefits that my peers were talking about. However, my stubborn nature kept me at my original view. During the retreat, a man named Maurice talked to us about his life. As he started, I realized that his story was not the hackneyed story I was expecting.

It was almost identical to mine. I waited till he finished, and then I asked to talk with him. He commiserated with me, and told me to read a Bible verse that changed his life. The verse was Isaiah 58:11, which said "The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail." This passage immediately opened my eyes. I understood that I was never alone through all my misfortunes; he was guiding me the entire time. From that moment on, I promised myself that I would listen to God's call again.

I've learned so much from the particular experience, and it has shown me what was missing from my life for so long. In hindsight, I wish I could have kept faith in God, but I doubt I would have learned as much if that was the case. I can now say with confidence that I am a Catholic, and I will be until the day I die. And the retreat, a man named Maurice talked to us about his life. As he started, I realized that his story was not. And became evident that help was never going to come.

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