A Personal Narrative About a Relationship

There are many occurrences in one's lifetime that shapes them into the person they are. I strongly believe in the saying "choose your own path." To me, every decision I have made in my life thus far has gotten me to where I am today. A little over four years ago, I was a senior in high school. I was ready to graduate and see the opportunities life had for me. In September 2012, I met my boyfriend, Fisher. I was kind of obsessed with him. He was a pro surfer and traveled the world constantly. His life fascinated me and I was very intrigued by his personality. There were many things I needed to consider when choosing whether or not I wanted to pursue our relationship.

When reading the instructions to this assignment, the first thing that came to my mind was the Social Exchange Theory. In every relationship, whether it be friendship, boss-employee, or romantic relationship, there are costs and rewards. Elizabeth Ribarsky writes, "Even within our romantic relationships, we often make choices and behave in a manner that we believe will reap the most rewards."

Costs and rewards vary greatly. Some may be serious costs/rewards and some may be subtle. For instance, when Fisher and I began dating I was a senior in high school and Fisher was 21. There were many factors that seemed to stand in the way of us having a future together. When I told my parents about him they were hesitant due to the age difference. They saw it as a greater "cost" than I did. Clearly it has worked out because here we are 4 years later and I couldn't be happier. This is an example of a small cost that was completely worth it.

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Like all couples, we sometimes fight. He is my best friend and my partner in life. I love having him around to celebrate all of the accomplishments and comfort in all of the hardships in life. The rewards greatly outnumber the costs in our relationship. One thing that makes our relationship so great is that we treat each other as equals. I am not one to complain when a man does not pay for my food. I am an extremely independent person and it often offends me when people think that I need a man to provide for me. My boyfriend sometimes has a hard time understanding this because he sometimes believes he should pay for everything.

I get that a gentlemen paying is a nice gesture and is historically “honorable." My boyfriend understands that I like to pride myself on my independence. Me having to pay for our meal sometimes makes me feel good about the fact that I can make enough money to not only provide for myself, but my significant other as well. Some may see this as a cost instead of a reward. Some believe it is such a burden to have to pay for someone else. I see it as a blessing. I believe I am blessed to be able to have a great job that I love. It is amazing that this job allows me to provide for myself and splurge for my significant other and those I love.

In the Social Exchange Theory, not everyone sees costs and rewards the same way. Although there are few costs in my relationship, there are so many rewards. It makes the world of a difference to be able to have the rewards outnumber the costs. I have had many friends struggling in their awful relationships.

The costs seem to outweigh the rewards. In the article, No Harm, No Foul: A Social Exchange Perspective on Individual and Relational Outcomes Associated With Relational Baggage, it states, "People may also avoid especially harmful or negative information to manage uncertainty without reducing it."(Frisby, Sidlinger, Booth- Butterfied, 2015). Often times, I feel like people tend to ignore the bad because of the glimpse of good. "Individuals who are comfortable with their relationships being inequitable may be comparatively unmotivated to enact active problem solving strategies, and may avoid conflict altogether because they do not perceive that they stand to gain from it" (Bippus, Boren, Worsham, 2008).

No matter how hard I try and help others see the costs and rewards within their relationships, they tend not to listen. In too many of my friends relationships I see so much pain and hurt and I can only attribute that to the costs outweighing the rewards.

I believe my boyfriend and I both have different comparison levels. In saying this, I mean that he puts in certain things that I am unable to and I do the same. We understand that we take on different roles and accept different challenges. I don't think about the comparison levels of alternatives because I don't think about what other options would be like. I would be lying if I said I had never thought about what my life would be like alone, or with someone else. This would be an example of a comparison level of alternatives.

If it were high, I would have a positive outlook on what other options may be like. If the comparison level were low, I would be very negative about other options in my life. I often find myself encouraging him and others to think of things in a more positive manor. Being negative is easy, but it is much more rewarding to have positive outlooks.

In my relationship, there are many elements that we put into the relationship to ensure that we are both getting the outcome we want and deserve. These elements can be seen as "investments." These can be in the form of time, mutual friends, or possessions, etc. Time is an important investment to me. I do not see time as something that needs to be devoted to one person. It is very important to me to devote my time to the things I love and do the best to keep myself happy.

Fisher and I have separate hobbies so we do not spend as much time together as some. We like to do all of the things we enjoy doing and then seeing each other for dinner at the end of the day. I believe this provides so much help to our relationship. We invest enough time in each other however, we are not together every minute of the day to where it makes us sick of each other. I think it is important for you to be your own person and spend time bettering yourself. I strongly believe that if you don't love yourself first, it is hard for someone else to love you. In saying this, it is still important to spend time with those you love.

In order to get the best out of a relationship, it is important for both parties "get what they give." Fisher and I both put in what we hope to get out of the relationship. We don't do something and immediately expect something back. Relationships take time and it is important to do things for someone else because it makes you happy. When you receive good things, it makes you want to give more good as well! It has worked out pretty well for me. I feel thankful that Fisher and I are able to have such a good working relationship with each other. We are able to understand what is needed for each other and what we can do to provide for each other.

Relationships are never perfect and they take time. There are good times and bad times. It is important to be humble during the good and to be thankful during the bad. It is not easy being thankful for things when everything is bad. However, it is very important to have a balance in relationships. Take the good with the bad and appreciate it all. You should learn from each curveball life throws. If the costs begin to outweigh the rewards, it is important to recognize that and take necessary steps to end the relationship or work on it. Ending a relationship with someone may not be easy but it is important to look at the greater picture and see what is in your best interest for your future.

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