Family Problems

Family problems, more than money, is top cause of mental disorders Dr. Robin Emsley, speaking recently before members of the Philippine Psychiatric Association, said that the main challenge among psychiatrists is compliance of patients to take medication regularly. Relationship with the family, more than economic problems, causes mental disorders among Filipinos, according to the Philippine Psychiatric Association (PPI). “All types of mental illnesses are caused by negative factors such as psychosocial stresses like economic (issues), interpersonal and intrapersonal relationship.

Among these factors, the heaviest is (one’s relationship to the) family,” PPI Pres. Romeo Enriquez said in an interview. While there is still yet to be a valid study on the mental wellness of Filipinos, Enriquez said international data places the number of schizophrenia patients in the country at 0. 5 to 1. 5 percent of the population. According to him, there are more people now who seek doctors’ consultation because of improved awareness on schizophrenia unlike in the past when families keep this condition highly secret because of fear of being stigmatized by society. In the past people would just recognize it when the patient is brought to the National Center for Mental Health because the condition is already in the advanced stage. But now people bring the patient to a doctor once they recognize some symptoms,” explained Enriquez. He however admitted that having someone afflicted with schizophrenia is more burdensome among poor families because of the cost of medication. The average cost of medicine for this type of mental disorder is between Php200-Php300 which is taken orally and daily. Sometimes they are not able to sustain their medication so they delay until the patient is brought to a government mental facility because he/she has gone worse,” he said. Enriquez said new drugs for schizophrenia have also emerged that help patients live a normal life like everybody else. “It’s no longer as it used to be that a patient is brought immediately to a mental asylum. With the new medicines we have now, the person (you see walking) down the street you won’t even know is taking medication unlike 20 years ago when patients taking psychiatric medicines move like robots,” he said.

Patient’s adherence to medication is a major challenge among psychiatrists, said Dr. Robin Emsley, professor at the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Stellenbosh in Cape Town. “Until now we have failed miserably in treating the illness of schizophrenia,” said Emsley who spoke before members of the PPA recently. According to him, the best way to treat a schizophrenia patient is between two to five years of the condition’s onset adding that this is a “critical period when the disease is most aggressive. ”

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He however noted that some patients do not adhere to continuous medication because the disorder “impairs” one’s disability to recognize one’s mental condition. Others dread taking oral pills daily. Emsley said patients are now more comfortable taking injectable drugs that are not administered everyday. Johnson & Johnson Philippines, for instance, recently introduced Paliperidone palmitate, a long-acting injectable that is administered once monthly for the treatment of schizophrenia. Emsley said it is important for patients to continue treatment because a elapse may cause serious consequences such as the risk of one harming self and others. http://www. interaksyon. com/lifestyle/family-problems-more-than-money-is-top-cause-of-mental-disorders Problems and issues of filipino family today? Traditional Filipino parents and modern Filipino-American teenagers do not see eye-to-eye. My parents were born in the Philippines and grew up there. My brothers and I grew up in the States. Customs and traditions are very different in the Phillipines when compared to the free-wheeling U. S. There are definite gender roles which do not translate well for liberated women in the States.

The biggest issue I can see for Filipino families today is the lack of involvement between parents and their children. So many Filipino children end up in a bad way, either in gangs or pregnant or not doing well in school. I'm not recommending a tighter grip just more understanding between parents and children with regards to society today. What might have worked in my parents' upbringing back in the day may not be the answer for most children today. -leasanders http://answers. yahoo. com/question/index? qid=1006020902989 What Are Family Problems Faced By The Filipino Family?

Usually filipino family today are facing a very crucial problem... the matter of cultural diversity is the top most. children are more apt to the influences of a more modern,rebellious type of lifestyle thus this changes are never been in the nerve of our oldies who believed that we filipinos must live in the cultural heritage of long time ago. This incident bring us mis communication and mis understanding. Anonymous * Problems faced by Filipino Families There are some serious problems that American Filipino families are experiencing while living in the US. Many of the problems originate from a difference in cultures.

The parents and grandparents of Filipino families were raised to have one set of cultural norms and beliefs but their children that are being raised in America have a different set of beliefs and it can be difficult to set rules and structure when the family has such different ideas on how life should be lived. Customs and traditions can be very different between different cultures and it can be hard to find rules that both generations agree on. * Communication It is very important that communication is maintained with any family that may be experiencing problems.

By communicating any problems and talking through any issues, it is easier to deal with them. It has been suggested that Filipino parents do not get so involved in their children's lives that their children are bound to do whatever they wish and will not be talking to their parents about what is going on in their lives. It is important for parents to know what is going on in the life of their child so they realize when there is a problem. * Gender roles One issue that can cause problems in Filipino families is the fact that there are different gender roles between the Filipinos and the Americans.

People who are born and bred in America will believe that genders should be equal and women should not have to do all the cooking and cleaning and look after the family while the man of the family goes to work. Filipino families may have a more traditional outlook on gender roles and this can cause conflict with their children who wish to lead more liberated lives. Monicastot http://family-problems. blurtit. com/q3354896. html Extended Family Feud | Family Issues | Forum My wife and I have some problems with extended family. Specificly they are 2nd cousins to my wife and neighbors.

We have a house we built on land we bought from other family, that is directly behind my wife's parents house/land. We are surrounded by other family members including the 2nd cousins who live next door. First off, all the decisions made with the property and house are solely my wife's. I have given her full reign so that I stay out of it as much as possible. The tension started when we bought the land. We didn't find out that the 2nd cousin (neighbors) had wanted the property even though it was open to sale for years, and wasn't a secret among any that we were going to buy it.

So we didn't "steal" the purchase from them. We then built our little vacation house which by any means is not fancy or extravagant in any way. It fits well among all the housing around it. It is only 52sqm and is smaller than both the 2nd cousin (neighbors) houses on their neighboring property. The house caused a little more tension and some jealousy. Next the wife wanted a walled fence around the place. This is when real trouble broke out. We hired a surveyor to come mark out ours and the in-laws land. The arguments started then and have only escalated from there.

One of their two houses (very large 2 story) that belongs to a daughter of theirs who lives in Belgium is right up against the property line. They argued we were stealing their land and almost got into a fist fight with the surveyor. By the time construction material arrived and the fence was ready to be built, they had removed the property line markers on their side and we had to hire the surveyor to come back out before building could begin. To try and aleviate some tension I suggested to the wife that we offset the fence into our property by 3 meters.

This would give them some easement but we made sure they understood we're not "giving" them that land. They still believe (even though we have the deed and sktetch plan to our land) that the government surveyor is cheating in our behalf. The dirt road that our family and everyone (including the cousins) who lives along there has been using ever since they moved there around 30 years ago, is private and owned by the property owner at the end of it. A Swiss gentleman and his filipina wife. The 2nd counsins went on a campaign to talk the road owners into denying us access to the road.

It happened they started this when that couple broke up and the wife assumed sole residence of the house. She, in need of money, concluded that everyone along the road should pay for "rights" to use it. Based on their ability to pay. Our portion turned out to be 30,000php which we promptly paid. We even had our in-laws go to an attorney at our cost and get them to prepare an agreement that allowed us to use the road based on this payment. Very shortly after our neighbor entered into a land contract deal with the woman to buy their house and land.

Initially it did not include the sale of the road as we had documentation that didn't allow its sale. Once the neighbor had the house they pressured the seller into adding an addendum to their land contract to include the road, or they weren't going to pay. She succumbed and went along with it. They immediately put up a gate and fencing to prevent our family from being able to get in and out of the property and went of a campaign to talk the neighbors on the other side of us to block them from using the side gate and cutting through their properties to get out to the main road.

We've tried to spruce up our in-laws home a little. Small improvements like cleaning things up, making a larger porch and paint will be next. Every thing we do on the property is mimicked by them including something as small as tree trimming. All they do is shout over the fence about how they wouldn't have these improvements if it wasn't for their "rich american in-law". I assure you we are anything but rich. We have not improved the property to look any nicer or better than the other homes around it.

All 3 of the 2nd cousin neighbors houses are nicer including since the purchase of this last home (connected on their other property line) they have two in ground pools and huge piece of land. My wife says they behave this way because they have a "crab mentality" which I'm only begining to understand. Besides burning down our houses and killing ourselves and all our family, what can I do to bring down this annimosity that has grown so great? Working with the barangay captain has got us no where. I need some advice how to smooth this out. -GunnyD Gunny:

You know, I sympathize with you, and you probably will not like my answer. I have written many times on this site about the squatter issue with which we have been dealing for four years now… Really not very different than your situation. Like you, I had nothing to do with the land purchase, nor did I want anything to do with it. Your situation, and mine, is precisely why I repeatedly tell people NOT to get involved with land purchases here. I am often called an idiot or stupid because of that position, yet your situation shows that it can happen.

The murky titles, surveys, etc are a plague on any real estate purchases here. It sounds like you are in a somewhat rural area, which is worse. Based on what you have written, it sounds as if the extended family is trying to use this as an easy payday… Make things difficult enough on you that you simply pay them to go away. Unfortunately, for you to defend against this harrassment, it will be extremely expensive for you either by using the courts or in making payoffs… Either way, you lose. Additionally, since you really do not or can not own anything here, the burden will fall on your wife in any court action.

The judge will neither ask for, nor welcome, any input from you (You can't own the land, so your input is irrelevant). "Crab Mentality" or not, they know that the laws relating to real estate are in their favor, and, let's face it, it costs them virtually nothing to cause a lot of problems. As I mentioned, our squatter issue has dragged on for four years… I'll admit that it was (and is) tempting to try some extra-judicial remedies to the situation. The problem is that my wife's family still need to live up there, exposing THEM to retribution or revenge.

It has gotten to the point where both sides have purchased guns up there… Something will eventually happen. Not a question of "if", but of "when". Unfortunately, it has cost us over 7 times the value of the land to fight it in court. It appears that this is not going to go away any time soon. As long as they think you have money, it will be an ongoing thing. It really does not matter whether you do or not… But that they THINK you do. If the Barangay captain cannot, or will not, help, your options are court or extra-judicial.

Either way will expose you or your family to risk, both physical and financial. - jmiele3| | Quezon City, Philippines| http://forum. liveinthephilippines. com/forum/family-issues/extended-family-feud/ Common family problems in the Philippines? common family problems * Parenting Issues * Marital Issues * Divorce * Grieving * Out-of-Wedlock Pregnancy| * Emotional and Mental Problems * Substance Abuse and Addictions * Eating Disorders * Stress * Pornography| http://wiki. answers. com/Q/Common_family_problems_in_the_Philippines

Filipino Family Values: A Source of Dysfunction We often wonder what went wrong with the Philippines. Why is it that Filipinos, even if they know what’s wrong, continue to do it, even willingly? They go ahead and hit on other women or men even when already married, and fall into petty crime even though they know the jails are overcrowded. Even on things not related to crime, Filipinos fail to practice good common sense and would rather do what they feel. They still do stupid things like max out their credit cards and feed the whole barangay during a fiesta on borrowed money.

Then they complain that life is hard. But why do they still do it? I’d like to venture a daring proposition: it’s all because of our Filipino family values. They are flawed and cause us to take the path of self-destruction. I will thus make the case that some of our Filipino family values are among the cultural baggage that we need to dispose of. History Our cultural values can be traced to the teachings of the friars or prayles of Spanish occupation, who exercised an iron hand over Filipino values then. Whatever they demanded, the people do, or else the people go to hell.

But whatever they demanded was not always for the benefit of the people. FILIPINO FAMILY ALL RIGHT... LOOKS FAMILY... KASI WHERE'S DADDY? TSUGI? We know today how the friars of those days bedded young and pretty maidens (A Cojuangco ancestor helped smuggle these women into friars’ private quarters), giving rise to the many mestizo people among our population. But they also taught people that they should obey authority – even if the authority abuses them. Jose Rizal attacked the teachings of the friars in his books.

He knew that the values taught by the friars were meant to contain the Filipino people, preventing development of intelligence and reasoning, keeping the Filipinos in slavery. The friars basically caused the Filipinos to be dependent on them. Thing is, if the friars are now gone, why are people today still bending to their manipulation? Why are they sticking to the “values” that the friars taught their clueless ancestors? The problem is now with the people themselves, not the friars anymore. They have forgotten that the friars have left.

People are still taught to conform, not just because it is fashionable, but because conformity has been seen as a sign of morality. Somehow, Filipinos have the sense that being “in” is a sign that you are a good and compliant citizen, and “alternative” styles or lifestyles are immoral. They have been deceived that conformity to society is a sign that you are a moral person. Authoritarianism BongV had an excellent exploration of the subject in his article stating that our dominantly authoritarian parenting style tends to produce wimpy children.

Now, I felt that there was much more I could add. The basic Filipino family values are based on conformity, and often it is conformity to anything. If you differ, you are considered a disobedient whelp, or sutil. You must conform to the will of your parents, such as dictating the college course you should take; so it you don’t follow, you are sutil. But not only conformity to supposed values is a problem. Even conformity to culture. Not only will Filipino parents encourage, or even force, their children to obey others blindly. They may even encourage children to follow fads.

For example, if they see their children as different from their peers, such as not watching Wowowee like classmates do, for preferring manga art to basketball, the parents will call their children sutil, stupid, disobedient, walang pakisama, selfish, or what abusive word you can think of for children. Parents also do this probably to avoid their children bringing them shame. They may even dictate or criticize the tastes of their children (“this is what you should like,” “rock music is from the devil! ”), and thus take away any notion of responsible individual freedom. MANO...

OVERRATED CUSTOM OF RESPECT... AND SUBMISSION... TO ELDERS Even bad habits are sometimes passed through authoritarian means. Some ridiculous fathers will even chide their sons for having only one girlfriend, and will goad them to try and gather a harem. Not only will the fathers boast to fellows about their harems; they may even boast about their son’s harems. But even without authoritarian means, there are the comments and payo (advice) of the parents that tell a child to conform and be like everyone else, and that being different, even if it is right, can lead to shame or hiya.

Sometimes, these “values” are used in a manipulative way. I remember watching an old documentary on child labor in the Philippines. A man who was interviewed, probably the children’s employer, was asked whether he thought child labor was wrong (the labor was unloading sacks of cement off ships). He just kept on saying, “(ander sila ng mga magulang nila) they are under their parents. ” Authoritarianism was used to maintain child labor. It’s in scenarios like these that children need to learn the value of assertiveness – that they have the right to say no. Consumerism

One of the most common payo (advice) that parents would give children is, “study well, get a good job and a high salary, so you can buy good appliances and toys for your children. ” This seems like a good, harmless adage. But there is a lot of harm in this payo. Firstly, this reveals the highly consumerist nature of our culture. Filipino families continue to have the dream of upward mobility. But they don’t just want to manifest it; they want to show it. They want to have the latest gadgets, the coolest designer clothes, know the latest songs, watch the latest shows or even travel all over.

Same as described above; not being “in” can be seen as a moral lapse. Also, having all the consumer stuff is seen as a sign that you have worked hard for it. So when you don’t have the consumer stuff, you are seen as not hardworking and morally lapsed. Thus, the people who work hard and don’t spend so much on consumer goods are wrongly accused of being lazy or having no good dreams in life (That’s how some Filipinos see the industrious Filipino-Chinese! ). A SEEMING MUST-HAVE FOR EVERY CONSUMERIST FILIPINO FAMILY

In addition, the above payo also teaches children to be employees – and not pursue higher dreams of being an entrepreneur or self-employed person. Parents are teaching their children to be subservient or submissive, and discourage them from challenging the more likely fomenters of stagnancy in the country like our local elite. It’s as if the values taught them were meant to prevent them from growing and doing something good. Let me quote something from another of my articles that demonstrates consumerism: For example, imagine yourself as a working class Filipino, eldest among the children, with a job and salary.

You arrive home after work, and you hear the screams of “where are our French fries! ” from your siblings. Your parents, who are already senior citizens, will demand, “when are you going to bring us to Boracay? ” When you reply that your salary is too low for that, they’ll scream, “then go abroad! ” You’ll go abroad, you earn enough to send them to Boracay, but your family goes there without you. Lugi ka. Add to that the hassle of going abroad, adjusting to another country and culture, separation from your own, etc. Families are forced by this pursuit to live beyond their means.

When the parents or children come home to their families, their symbol of love is consumer goods. But when hospital bills come, or the credit card bill collector comes knocking, somebody gets troubled, and family tensions grow. Families would like to say that “we will bond together through hardship,” but the reality is that families in hardship are more likely to be dysfunctional. The oligarchs or big businesses like consumerist families since these families consume their products. The 1950s depictions of “happy” families in media were associated with consumer goods.

Most of the children who grew up during this time are today’s parents or grandparents, and are likely the ones goading their children or grandchildren to bring in consumer goods from abroad. Thus, our families are drawn into consumerism and further into poverty. Teaching the Wrong Thing Sometimes, a child would tell their parents about a friend who invites them to cheat at something, such as get a school paper from Recto. To their surprise, the parent says go ahead. “But isn’t cheating wrong? ” asks the child. The parent, in their usual know-it-all swagger, says, “No, that is how you get ahead in life. Perhaps an additional reinforcement from the parent would do it: “Look, people get rich by cheating. ” And people wonder why corruption is so rampant in the country! Another faux pas for parents is when they forbid the children from something, but they do it themselves. They tell their children not to smoke or get drunk; but they do it themselves. When the children happen upon them one day and complain about the parents’ example, the parents just throw their weight around and shout at or even hurt their children to be silent. Another dysfunctional family in the making.

APO, DON'T PLAY IN THE STREET... WETAMINUT, SI LOLA PA RIN NAG-AALAGA? WHERE'S PARENTHOOD? There is also the use of tall tales to confuse children. For example Benign0 would recall the grandmother who told her granddaughter about how humans are born, “galing ka sa pwet” (Click on link to read full reader’s letter to Getrealphilippines. com). Like the tales of St. Peter playing bowling to explain thunder or may duende sa bakuran (dwarf in the backyard) to keep them from being naughty, parents confound their children about the birds and the bees.

Sex education is sadly an area where Filipino families are lacking, because of absurd conservatism. And thus, our population grows like ants. Nepotism is the obvious fault of our local Filipino families. When you have a business and are looking for the right person for the job, Filipinos often look within the family. Or even family friends. It’s not a fault by itself to consider someone because of familiarity or connections; but it is when you choose that person or service because of those connections and not because of competence. A Testimony

Just to show I’m not the only one thinking this way, I decided to use the story of commenter Ben, who described his experience with families of differing values, to demonstrate my point. He commented in response to BongV’s posting of an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s “No Reservations” which featured Filipino cuisine, and upon seeing a Filipino family in the episode that seemed to show these issues in parenting: “When I came to the Philippines and met with my family from both sides, I saw a big difference comparing where the “Filipino” culture is more dominant.

On my mum’s side, family times and Meal times are a lot more noisy and discussions are very frequent. This was because of the fact that my cousins on that side are well educated and sort of “Westernized. ” They dont conform to much of the Filipino society and they dont watch local channels. This made them easier for me and my brother (who grew up in Aus) to associate with considering there was no tradition in demanding respect from older people (po and opo and mano mano and such) and we felt more comfortable because it just felt like we were talking to just the same old group back home in Aus.

On the other hand, my dad’s side, which has more of an aristocratic vibe, it was very quiet, comfortable and sometimes they were unbearable to be around. I’d hear the older people get pissed at kids who forgot to say opo, I’d be required to make mano to everyone and the worst thing about it, meal times were so fricken QUIET! As in no talking… And this was what I saw in Augusto’s family. This is the Filipinized family. Their past time is watching Eat bulaga or Wowowee or Game KNB or MTB (back in the day). They made kids dance the ocho ocho and perform for the elderly and some kids hated it and some loved it.

It was so uncomfortable. What I noticed too is that on my dad’s side, people are so easily offended. And I guess that’s one of the reasons why people were so quiet during meal times – they were afraid to offend someone on the dining table. When it comes to small family gathering like in the scene in Augusto’s family’s house, another key point would be that there was a foreigner amongst them. Filos hate to make themselves look bad, esp the older generations. If the kids make them look bad in front of foreigner, they get banished to say the least. ” Thanks, Ben, for sharing this.

And I’m sure you’re not alone. A lot of Filipino families are like his dad’s side – cold, anti-intellectual, loveless and materialistic. It shows the things that are wrong with the Filipino family. Dick Gordon said the country is dysfunctional. It’s probably because the Filipino family is dysfunctional. It’s a good thing that the side of Ben’s mom shows better, proper family values. This is what today’s Filipino family should emulate. The Filipino Family – a Destructive Institution Way I see it, our family values were really designed to make Filipino families broken and dysfunctional.

The Filipino family was sabotaged from within. Whatever the friars or other influencers planted in the Filipinos, the Filipinos never bothered to remove. Even if told that these were tools of deception, they still clung to these false values! The Filipino family’s intrinsic intolerance against nonconformity causes people to not reach their true potential in this country. Thus, they seek it elsewhere. This is probably one reason why droves of people go abroad; to be “free” from this inhibiting culture. The Filipino family is clearly one of the tools to perpetuate a defective culture onto its people.

The way the people vote, the rampant corruption, and people’s bad behavior and bad attitudes toward life – they reflect the state of the family. The arresting of the family has resulted in the arresting of the nation. My sociology teacher said that the most violent institution in human society during peacetime is the family. This is because of domestic violence, “pking,” and all that. But in another sense, in the Philippines, the family may be the most destructive institution, because all the dysfunctions of authoritarianism, nepotism, slave-mindedness, backward traditionalism and even corrupt practices stem from it.

ONLY UPON DUMPING OBSOLETE FAMILY IDEALS CAN WE HAVE MORE FILIPINO FAMILIES AS HAPPY AS THIS ONE You know, if Filipino society wants to weed out corruption, the government is the last place to start. The right place is the family, where it starts. We clearly need to reform traditional family values. But how do we make these reforms? I’ll be sticking my neck out when I say that children can “go against their parents. ” But there are parents who can certainly change their parenting style and teach their children to be more assertive.

BongV’s article on assertiveness has all the material to help teach children the right values. We must remind people that the “friars” are gone – and should not be revived. Catholic priests and authorities, highly conservative religious and other parties cannot dictate your personal values. A person must now evaluate morality based on not one religion or school of thought, but on universal principles of ethics and a study of each and every belief system. We also have to draw from other countries on values. Now why should we draw from other countries?

Isn’t that “un-Filipino,” some may accuse? No. In fact, it may be better for our country. We need to acknowledge that the Philippines does not have a monopoly on what is right or wrong. Heck, our “Christian” values come from abroad. We need more anti-traditionalism and liberalism. We need to shake off the chains of bad family values and restore the Filipino family in this 21st century. http://antipinoy. com/failed-family-values/ ------------------------------------------------- Filipino Teen Pregnancy: Education & Birth Control

In a meeting held by a Filipino American Community Action Group in Virginia, members claim that teen pregnancy has become an issue of concern among the Filipino community. In an article in the FilAmstar, data found in the National Center for Health Statistics showed that “second-generation Filipina-Americans have the highest rates of teen pregnancy and out-of-wedlock pregnancy when compared to other Asian American groups” (ASERCION 2009). In a recent journal, statistics shown in a health report in 1991 Filipino teenagers had a pregnancy rate of 6. %, the highest amongst all Asian groups compared to the previous year (Khabagnote 2003, 31). The main reason for this outburst of Filipina-American teen pregnancy is evident: the lack of communication between parent and child about sex education and contraceptives. Many Filipino parents do not believe in premarital sex due to Catholic beliefs, especially towards Filipino females (Khabagnote 2003, 31). Because of these religious beliefs of no sex before marriage, Filipino parents may believe that their faith will carry on to their child.

Therefore, they either do not feel the need to have the sex educational “talk” with their child or they simply do not feel comfortable doing so. But with the influence of their peers and lack of education within their schools, tweens and teens are becoming less aware of sex and and contraceptives such as birth control. Not only are parents to blame, but the lack of educational classes for the youth about health within the educational system (Tomas 2010, 17). Some people believe that if the sex education curricula would be affective to students beliefs and the choices they make regarding sex.

The use of this curricula is also hopeful in the increase of the use of contraception (Tomas 2010, 32). If the educational system were to provide more sex educational classes into their curriculum, teens will be more knowledgeable about practicing safe sex therefore reducing the amount of teen pregnancy and the ease of Filipino parents being able to talk to their children about premarital sex. Asercion, Rudy. 2009. “Fil-Am teen pregnancy highest among Asian-Ams. ” Fil-Am star, November 27. Across the Bay section. Khabagnote, Farrah. 2003. Filipino-Americans and the Pregnant Adolescent: Family Attitudes, Cultural Values, and Acculturation”. 19-20. Tomas, Charlene Bumanglag. 2010. “High School Health Education: Filipina American Teenage Mothers’ Sex Education Experiences and Recommendation. ” 1-21. http://mmayo0809. wordpress. com/ How do Filipinos perceive pregnancy out of wedlock? Does a shotgun wedding still apply? Pregnant and unmarried women used to to be abhored in society receiving cold stares and sly innuendos before. How about now? Do people still marry because the girl is pregnant or do they marry because they're ready?

I want to see the general picture please. ilipinos are much, much more harsh on women who have children out of wedlock, than say the USA or most of the west. It is regarded shameful, stupid, irresponsible, and taints the women from ever having a really 'good' marriage, she is regarded as damaged goods. Sad but true. This is a main reason why filipina's with kids out of wedlock often dream of marriage to a foriegner, as thier situation is hardly remarkable or notable in the very relaxed western moral standards of today, which may seem shameless to others. urprisingly, shotgun weddings are not the filipino way; and it is more often the case that the parents of the mother will refuse to allow the father of the child to marry thier daughter.. due in part to the disgrace put on the daughter, and the parents, as a result of the scandalous pregnancy, concieved without the traditional 'permission' of the parents. filipino parents may view the father of the child more critically, and view him unsuitable, due to this 'mistake', so the father of the child may have to work harder to convnice the parents of the mother to allow a marriage. he father will often simply abandon the mother, and seek other women. the mother also loses status of her peers, as she often must support her children without child support from the father, or all the social services that american mothers often take for granted; this is often a very difficult task for young, single, uneducated mothers. the idea of a 'shotgun wedding' is more of a rural american tradition, if you get the farmer's daughter pregnant, the farmer will hunt you down and drag you to the church wedding with shotgun in hand. today this is fiction. ven the idea of 'doing the right thing', and offering to marry a woman that is pregnant is no longer fashionable in the west. now-a-days there are so many government financial incentives in the USA to have children out of wedlock, it is rather quaint and foolish for either fathers or mothers to get married. fathers have virtually no child custody rights in the west, and are subjected to the harshest child support enforcement laws, in effect the state creates huge financial incentives for women not to marry, and for men avoid being 'caught' or found guilty of being a father. - SpamlessSam ttp://ph. answers. yahoo. com/question/index? qid=20100810015153AAczRXm The Problem of Estrangement among OFW Children ------------------------------------------------- When asked, “Why are you going abroad? ”, OFW parents will almost always say that it is for their children. But many OFW parents are now finding out that their working abroad has seriously damaged their relationship with the very people whose interests they have gone abroad to serve. ------------------------------------------------- Some stable families have weathered the separation of parents and children. Fr.

Nilo Tanalega has attributed this to what he calls “enhancements in global parenting”, in which technology has encouraged parental presence, participation and engagement in the lives of children. Parents who express interest in the activities of their children and make a point to be available at set times more likely enjoy healthier relationships with their children. ------------------------------------------------- But Fr. Tanelaga qualifies that communication mediated by technology cannot replace face to face interaction. Topics of long distance communication may go no deeper than grades and the day’s happenings at school.

By contrast, face-to-face conversations allow parents to ask “How are your friends? What are your dreams? What is hurting you? ” Long distance communication between parents and their children has produced superficial relationships. As one OFW child has said: “My Mom tries to parent me when she is home. But I don’t feel she has the right anymore to do this because she does not know me at all. ” How heartbreaking it is for a parent who has made so many sacrifices to come home to estrangement. “I miss my Mom,”said another OFW child. “We used to talk a lot, but now I do not know what to say to her. ------------------------------------------------- OFW parents tend to overcompensate for their absence by indulging their children materially, giving them more than what is proper, more than they need. It is unsurprising that many of these children develop into materialistic, often rebellious, individuals with a well-entrenched sense of entitlement. Moreover, the child-centered goals of the OFW effort tend to foster narcissism in the children, instead of a healthy parental respect, other-centeredness, and love. -------------------------------------------------

Before we say we are going abroad to work for the sake for our children, let us prayerfully consider the consequences and think twice. Family Financial Problems Many things can place a strain on the family bonds. Health concerns, psychological disorders, disciplinary issues with the children, and financial problems are some obstacles can affect any family. Financial problems can have many causes, and produce disastrous results when not handled promptly and properly. Families can take several steps to try to avoid problems or dig their way out of them.

Read more: Family Financial Problems | eHow. com http://www. ehow. com/about_6383353_family-financial-problems. html#ixzz2D9KgYR6IMany things can place a strain on the family bonds. Health concerns, psychological disorders, disciplinary issues with the children, and financial problems are some obstacles can affect any family. Financial problems can have many causes, and produce disastrous results when not handled promptly and properly. Families can take several steps to try to avoid problems or dig their way out of them. Read more: Family Financial Problems | eHow. om http://www. ehow. com/about_6383353_family-financial-problems. html#ixzz2D9KgYR6I Types * A 2009 Gallup poll lists lack of money, excess debt, the cost of owning or renting a home, job loss and healthcare cost as the most important financial problems families face. Families to worry more about basic economic problems than they do about specific concerns, such as the high gas and oil prices, or taxes. Causes * Many families experience financial problems because they don't have good money management skills and make unwise decisions about how to use income and credit.

Uncontrollable factors such as unemployment can add to families' financial problems. Lack of communication can cause problems when shopping gets out of control. Other causes of family financial problems include addiction, emotional problems and stress that lead to irrational spending patterns. * Sponsored Links * Financial Management Improve security of financial data w/ a financial management software. www. gurango. com/Financial Result * Family financial problems can lead to stress. Some couples fight over spending habits instead of searching for solutions to their money-related issues.

Sometimes disagreements over money become so severe that they lead to divorce. Children may feel caught in the middle of the arguments, and feel guilt when they benefit from purchases, or disappointment when money problems prevent them from having certain things. Prevention/Solution * because the financial problems affect the whole family, have a meeting to explain the financial issue and make a plan to solve it. Create a budget to eliminate debt and save money. Implement good record keeping practices, then establish priorities and stick to them.

Viewing last 6 months bank statements, monthly bills, and monthly income information will help determine the family's budget needs. Family heads can work to create a budget to eliminate debt and save money. Then, implement good record keeping practices and establish priorities and stick to them. If credit issues are out of control, contact creditors to make manageable payment arrangements or seek professional help through Consumer Credit Counseling. Create a safety net * Families should have a savings account with 6 months worth of living xpenses in case of sudden job loss or other unforeseen circumstances. Don't be tempted to live off your credit cards in an emergency. Read more: Family Financial Problems | eHow. com http://www. ehow. com/about_6383353_family-financial-problems. html#ixzz2D9KlNwOO Correlates of Career Decisions Among Children of Overseas Filipino Workers Abstract Decision making is a vital part of an individual's life. It is a complicated process which involves information search and processing to understand available options (Moore, Jensen, & Hauck, 1990, in Rice & Dolgin, 2000).

It is during adolescence that an individual needs to make one of the most important decisions, that of choosing a career (O’Hare, 1987, in Rice & Dolgin 2000). During their senior year in high school, students are faced with thedilemma on what they want to do right after graduation: pursue college education, learn a trade by enrolling in technical-vocational program, or work immediately. Whatever career decision the high schoolseniors eventually make, it is important to determine the career decision making process they undergo.

It is also important to know which factors they consider or disregard in their career decisions. At stake in making the right career decision is their physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Thus, it is imperative that they choose the occupation that best fits each of them. Majority of the local researches on career decisions and the factors influencing them focus on adolescents. Similarly, the literature and studies on Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) usually delve on the economic and social repercussions of overseas employment (Asis, 2004; Nicodemus, 1997).

There is no available study regarding the career decisions of the adolescent children of OFWs in particular. Although a recent research on the impact of migration on Filipino families revealed the career aspirations of young children (Episcopal Commission for the Pastoral Care of Migrant and Itinerant People of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines, 2003, in Asis, 2004), this study, which employed adolescents, focused on their decision making process, career decisions, and the extent of relationship between the career decisions and selected internal (personal) nd external (social/environmental) factors. http://journals. upd. edu. ph/index. php/ali/article/view/1756 OFW kids ‘worse off’ in life DESPITE improved lives compared to Filipinos working in the Philippines, overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) have failed to ensure the same for the children they leave behind. | | According to a study presented at the United Nations Children’s Fund (Unicef)-Philippine Institute for Development Studies (PIDS) Seminar Series on Public Policies and the Rights of Children, OFWs have devoted less time and money to their children when they reach the ages of 13 to 16.

Asia-Pacific Policy Center (APPC) vice president and executive director Rosemarie Edillon presented the study titled “The Effects of Parent’s Migration on the Rights of Children Left Behind” last February 21. Edillon said that children given less care engage in “unwarranted acts” like premarital sex resulting in teenage pregnancies, drug taking and fall prey to physical or sexual abuse.

Based on an index, the study plotted the self-rated scores of both OFW and non-OFW children on the following: overall emotional state, relationship with parent OFWs, relationship with siblings, relationship with other members of the household, health status, performance in school, security for the future, participation in extracurricular activities and participation in family decision-making. Edillon said that at the onset, at ages six to eight, OFW children are better off than children of non-OFWs but as the age progresses, more and more OFW children fell below the general preference of their age group and category—whether OFW or non-OFW. Many children of OFWs aged 13 to 16 appear to be worse off than children of non-OFWs of the same age. Some receive less-than-average money inputs but all receive less-than-average adult attention,” the study said. “This can be explained by the fact that, on the average, there are fewer adults but still a substantial number of children in these households. This is in complete contrast to the preference of children in this age group, where they require more adult attention [AA] and more budget inputs than children in the other age groups,” the study stated. Scalabrini Migration Center (SMC) research director Dr.

Maruja Asis said OFW children in this age group should be monitored closely. She explained that older children might require more time because most of them already share in household responsibilities. Asis said that in cases where a parent or both parents go abroad to work, the eldest usually assumes the part of the absent parent/s and shares family responsibilities with older relatives like grandparents, aunts or uncles. The panganay syndromeThis was supported by Aurora Javate-de Dios, executive director of the Women and Gender Institute of Miriam College.

She pointed out that this is especially prevalent among female firstborns who assume the caregiving responsibilities of mothers who become OFWs. De Dios even said that migration, whether international or regional, is the engine of the global-care chain. This starts at the provincial level where firstborns become poor substitutes for their mothers, who leave the province to go to big cities like Manila to work for another motherless family – because the mother is abroad to care for foreigners’ children, she said. “OFW mothers take away 80 percent of care-giving factors when they leave,” de Dios said.

Further, the study showed that only 29 percent of children included in the study said they are better off than other children are in the same age group in terms of their family life and their participation in family decisions. The study also showed that 39 percent said they are better off in their future; 40 percent said they are accepted by their peers; 42 percent said they are better off in terms of their health; 44 percent said they are better off in terms of extracurricular activities, while more than half, or 53 percent, said they are better off in terms of education.

Address the tradeoffsThe study recommended that stakeholders, including the community and the church, should become more involved in the development of these children. Stakeholders, the study said, should help improve the communication between OFWs and their children. The government is also urged to promote health-seeking behavior among parents. This can be done by requiring them to submit a medical certificate in behalf of their children before they are admitted in schools. The study also said that parents must not always equate their presence with material things.

The study asked that parents or relatives who stay with the children must be educated regarding the unique circumstances the children are in. Edillon said that based on Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) data, there are 8. 23 million Filipinos abroad in 2006. This is broken down into 3. 6 million permanent migrants, 3. 3 million temporary migrants, and around 0. 37 million “irregular” migrants. Unicef deputy country representative Colin Davis said around 56 percent of migrants are married, based on 2000 data.

If there are 1 million female and 1 million male OFWs abroad who are married, and assuming an average of three children per household, there are six million children left behind. “Children bear the brunt of migration,” Davies said, “[that’s why] the social costs of migration must be examined and that policies must be formulated to overcome the negative effects of migration. We need to address the tradeoffs. ”| | | BY NELSON S. BADILLA| OFW children realize their dreams Ten Filipino college students took their place on stage early this month as winners in Bank of the Philippine Island’s 2011 Search for Outstanding Expat Pinoy Children.

The winners of this search have not only overcome the difficulties inherent in being a child of an overseas Filipino worker (OFW), but have also excelled in a field close to most parents’ hearts—education. As winners of this nationwide search, these children’s success is not only a testament to their commitment but to their parents as well. According to BPI President and CEO Aurelio R. Montinola III, the program was set up because BPI, a channel for overseas remittances, wanted to take a more holistic view of the Philippine migration phenomenon. We saw the economic gain but also the social problems from people being separated. The awards started as an experiment but we found the essays really worth reading because of the quality and emotions that came through. ” Rizaldie A. Zambra Jr. is a student at John B. Lacson Foundation Maritime University. His father left before he was even born. “The transformation from boyhood to manhood was difficult because many times a father can be the best person I can seek advice from,” he said. Zambra also said he joined the BPI contest to show his mother that despite being alone, she raised her children well. Johna Pauline O.

Mandac, who is studying medicine at University of the Philippines-Manila, grew up without a father in a family of all girls: “The lack of a father figure made it difficult to understand the bigger picture of the world,” she said. Another awardee, Dean Cris M. Acabo, who studies chemical engineering at Xavier University-Ateneo de Cagayan, said he wanted other Expat Pinoy children to know that they were not alone. This nationwide search to honor children of OFW’s is in its 5th year, and the 10 winning students are divided into 3 award categories—Ibang Klaseng Talino, Ibang Klaseng Community leader and Ibang Klaseng Athelete Awards.

An independent panel of judges chose from among 77 entries this year, looking at academic excellence, community contribution and other non-academic skills such as sports, music, and arts. To be included in the search, a student must have an OFW parent with a current work contract abroad, be not more than 21 years old, a college student presently enrolled in a four-year course, and have no failing grades. Awardees each receive a trophy and P50,000 in cash credited to a BPinoy Savings Account.

OUTSTANDING PINOY CHILDREN (L-R): Jo Jan Paul Penol, 2011 Ibang Klaseng Community Leader Awardee, BPI; 2011 Ibang Klaseng Talino Awardees Randel Bernandino, Rizaldie Zambra Jr. , Anne Dorcas Domingo; event host and youth advocate Patricia Evangelista; world-renowned musical theater artist and 2006 BPInoy Awardee, Lea Salonga; 2011 Ibang Klaseng Talino Awardees Threscia Grace Robles, Johna Pauline Mandac, Dean Cris Acabo, Mark Eden Ellaga and Jaybhett Andal; and Kara Unso, sister and representative of Ibang Klaseng Athlete Awardee Patrick Ma.

Unso It is hoped that the winning students will serve as inspiration for other OFW children, and offer advice from their own experiences. Zambra advises, “Instead of thinking negatively about their absence, use it as your inspiration by making your parent’s sacrifice worth it. ” Acabo said he went through his own dark period after his father left—using drugs and drinking while in elementary school—before finding his way. He offers:  “Don’t lose hope because of the separation. It’s just a challenge. You will have a turning point in your life when you will realize you are somebody more than what you are today. Chosen to speak on behalf of the 10 students at the award ceremony, Acabo looked back on the rocky road that led him to that moment. His words are a reminder that a life of struggle can strengthen one’s character and ability to succeed: “My life taught me to become a man that cultivates competence, upholds conscience and practices commitment. ” Rosalinda Baldoz, Secretary of Department of Labor and Employment, says there are so many sad stories of OFW families that she is proud to celebrate what she considers a positive aspect of migration: “As they suffer the pain of separation, now they are celebrating the success of that separation.

They were prepared by their parents for confronting these challenges of life and they are able to excel in their own life and in schools. ” Baldoz continues, “These kinds of awards are addressing what I call the care drain. The focus of this, the children of OFW’s can really be an inspiration and role models. ” She says. “It is really our story. As we experience that not one family here in the Philippines does not know someone who is outside the country, so we are able to identify. ” The accomplishments of these 10 youths give the country something to be proud of, but these college students are even more proud to be Filipino.

Acabo says, “Filipinos have a lot of things to show to the world. We are a happy people. The country is so blessed with abundant natural resources. We have a lot to achieve as a country. ” Mandac, who is studying medicine at UP, cites the Filipino’s resilience: “Even through distant shores, we inspire people, especially our fellow Filipinos by achieving great things. ” Actress Lea Salonga, honored these families with a heartfelt rendition of “The sun will come out tomorrow” from the musical Orphan Annie.

Sharing more than just her beautiful voice, she said: “There is so much to be proud of in the Philippines—we are happy, loyal, friendly. We strive to be the best in whatever setting we are in. ” Mandac shares, “The future belongs to all those who dream. If you have a vision, believe that they will fall into place. Hold on to your dreams and one day, you will realize them. ” http://globalnation. inquirer. net/19501/ofw-children-realize-their-dreams ------------------------------------------------- When a parent works abroad KATHERINE VISCONTI

MANILA, Philippines - It's a unique student awards ceremony when nearly half the proud parents don't show up. But each of the students whom Bank of the Philippine Islands (BPI) honored at an awards lunch at the bank's Makati headquarters on Monday November 12 has a unique story. One young woman is an award-winning triathlete. One young man is a business owner. Another student is the youth vice major of his city. Each of the 10 awardees grew up with a parent working overseas — and until today, they are still there, working to support their families in the Philippines.

As a nice personal touch to the awards lunch, BPI beamed in video messages from each of the honoree's parents. From Qatar, Canada, Italy, Saudi Arabia, America and even the high seas, parents told their kids how proud they are of them. In a country where more than two million citizens work abroad, many students have to get used to having their parents miss some of the biggest events in their lives, like graduations and important school events; and the little events that make up a day, like riding to school, eating dinner together and giving one other a hug before bedtime.

The 10 incredible students who won BPI's 6th annual search for the Ten Outstanding Overseas Filipino Children shared with Rappler the joys and pains of being the child of an overseas Filipino worker or OFW. 1) Name: Angelo Jan David Garon or "Gelo" YOUNG LEADER. Angelo Jan David is passionate about technology and politics. He is working towards a BS in Information Technology at AMA Computer College and has already served as Youth City Vice Mayor in Tarlac. OFW parent: Father works in the United States Biggest challenge: "Missing him, plus nobody taught me how to court a woman.

Just kidding. It's hard to not have the person you admire and look up to right beside you. His physical presence is like gold to me. " Hardest moment: "Every Christmas when he can't go home because he is one of the heads of the company he works for. It's one of the family's most fun moments of the year and it's always so sad that he's not there. " The silver lining: "I have to say it's a good thing he became an OFW especially for the needs of the family because we are a big, big family. I have 6 siblings. This disadvantage of not having him around comes with a complementing advantage.

I am more independent and self-sufficient. " Lesson learned: "Be excellent in everything you do. Remember that there are people who support you even if they are not with you. " Dream: "I'm currently thinking of building my own IT firm. But my mom has a different dream for me: she wants me to become a politician. I think it will be better to become a politician so I can help OFW families more. " 2) Name: Mark Anthony Lacsinto BORN COMMUNICATOR. Mark Anthony Lacsinto is a first year student at Far Eastern University taking up Communication. OFW parent: Mother works in Qatar

Biggest challenge: "There is no one you can approach if you are encountering personal problems. " Hardest moment: "I graduated [from high school as a] valedictorian and yet my mother was not able to come… I was crying as I delivered my speech. I kept thinking how much happier I would have been if she was personally there clapping for me and putting my medals on me. After the graduation ceremony when we came back home, my sister told me that my mother called while I was giving my speech, and my sister funneled [the phone] into the speaker. My mother cried while she listened to me. The silver lining: "She and my father are able to provide our needs. They really work hard to support our education. " Lesson learned: "Even though [there is] distance and [there are] years of separation, understand why your parents come up with the decision to work abroad — it's for our own sake. " Dream: "To be a broadcaster, an anchor… I really think my passion is there. " 3) Name: Jovito Jose Katigbak WOULD-BE AMBASSADOR. 17-year-old Jovito Jose Katigbak is in his 2nd year at the De La Sale College of St. Benilde and is taking up an AB in Consular and Diplomatic Affairs. OFW parent: Father works in Saudi Arabia

Biggest challenge: "Growing up without a father figure. There are certain decisions [that] when you have to make them instantly, you have to go with your guts. " Hardest moment: "Every day. There is not a single day I don't think of him. We speak everyday through Skype. " The silver lining: "His sacrifices made me the person I am now. It's not about the economic gains or the prestige of having an OFW parent; it's about being stronger and a better individual. " Lesson learned: "Appreciate the little things you have. Give importance to the small things and value what you have. " Dream: "To be an ambassador r a counsel, because I learned that some of my dad's co-workers experience difficulty in another land. I want to pay my blessings forward and reach out to other people. " 4) Mark Collin Solas FOLLOWING HIS FATHER. Mark Collin Solas is in his 3rd year of college at the John B. Lacson Foundation Maritime University in Iloilo City. He is working towards a BS in Marine Transportation. OFW parent: Father is a seaman Biggest challenge: "The emotional part of being far away from my father. I have to cope with challenges [without him]. " Hardest moment: "Occasions like school graduations that only happen once and where my father should be.

I was sad when he told me that he won't be able to attend my graduation from college, but [I know his] support [for me] doesn't stop. " The silver lining: "He supports our family's daily needs to help sustain whatever we have. " Lesson learned: "I make the most of my time with him when he is here in the Philippines. " Dream: "To become a seaman. I'm taking up his course to take on the same job, the same profession, so that I [may] appreciate what he is doing for us to be financially stable. I love his job; to be an officer, to man a vessel, to be a captain. " 5) Name: Mark Kevin Nunez

BUDDING BUSINESSMAN. Mark Kevin Nunez is in his 4th year at the University of Asia and the Pacific and working towards a BS in Entrepreneurship and Management. In October of 2010, he started his own online-based business selling rubber bracelets or baller bands with only P6,000 in capital. In its first year alone, the business turned a profit of P120,000. OFW parent: Father is a seafarer in Italy Biggest challenge: "Seeing him sick when he comes home; for the past two years it has been like that. I don't like s

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