The Self in a Social World

I am but a mass of tanned skin, black-brown hair, intimidating eyes, relatively normal features, and limbs and extremities of regular length stuck onto a body of less than average height with a slight belly to match. I have never seen myself as physically fit, exactly, nor do I see myself as someone head-turning gorgeous like a lot of my friends are. There are a lot of things about me that I want to desperately change in a physical sense, because really, I am nothing above typical. Regular mood swings are a norm for me, hormonal imbalance or none, though I ant say I'm emotionally unstable.

You might say I'm sensitive; I'm easily touched, easily ticked off, easily pleased, easily hurt. I tend to be intense and extreme with my emotions, and very vocal about it too. Without a venting outlet, my emotions may be easily displaced. My mood is often dangerous and difficult to control, like wildfire. Sometimes, I think of myself as a mirror; how I behave depends on the people I'm with. If he's the shy type, I'm the shy type. If she's bubbly and talkative, then that's me as well. The only time this doesn't work is when the person I'm with is a loud and obnoxious ass.

Normally when there are plenty of people I don't know, be it walking around the Magic complex or sitting in a classroom full of people I don't know, I'm very guarded and conscious of my actions, making me look cold and quiet sometimes. This stems from my intense fear of public embarrassment, I think. But once Vie settled in a little niche, especially with the people who are close to me, the loud, wild and sometimes shameless little monster inside of me comes out with a vengeance. He. I'm not exactly a socially-awkward person, nor am I totally socially-adept.

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I'm either mainstream nor hipster, trendsetter nor wallflower either. Truth is, I'm really just somewhere in between all that. And I like where I am. I'm not the type to be easily swayed by new trends, habits, practices and opinions, sans political opinions because I am so pathetically apathetic on those matters. Only in recent years have I begun to be as friendly and cordial as I can to new people I meet. I often try to keep my mood and behavior in check when I'm with my friends as well, because even though they know about it, I don't want to show them the ugly side of me that I only how myself.

Now, even if I didn't graduate as the class valedictorian and simply made it with a humble Honorable Mention medal, that hasn't stopped me from thinking of myself as fairly smart. I have intelligent parent's and relatives and I think that's influenced me plenty. I do read and write a lot. I pick up a lot of things from books and movies and my father to be able to do those well, so much that I was able to conquer my fear of public speaking. Although it doesn't apply all the time, I do pick up on things rather easily, making schoolwork lighter for me than most of my friends think so.

Still, I don't think that highly of myself in this matter. I am not special, and again, nothing above typical.

Physical

1. Physically fit
2.  Attractive
3. Has dimples

Emotional

1.  Emotionally stable
2. Intense with her feelings
3. Short-tempered
4. Sensitive
5. Happy-go-lucky

Behavioral

1. Careful
2. Competitive
3. Energetic
4. Perfectionist

Social

1. Friendly
2. Sociable
3. May come off as intimidating and difficult to approach

Cognitive

1. Above average
2. Intelligent
3. Witty
4. Competitive

For the Physical aspect of the survey, to everything aside from the typical "average height, brown shoulder-length hair", I say "WHAT? " I was honestly laughing at the number of people who responded with 'physically fit' and 'sexy, because not only is one of them awkward to read, I also don't find the other one true at all. I always berate myself for my thighs and my arms and my belly that seem to be growing a hundred miles per hour. The responses in the survey make me think one of two things: 1 . Maybe it's all in my head after all or 2. They're Just saying that because they don't want to make me feel bad. And to be honest, the second one seems a lot more plausible to me. Because, really, I can't see this body as 'physically fit' at all. Other than that, almost everything else I read off the survey answers were pretty much things I'm aware of or I already knew about myself. It makes me think how transparent I really am of a person, even to people I haven't been friends with for over a year. This fact assures me somehow, and I seem to take it as a good thing.

Since Vie always hated people who are fake and 'plastic', two-faced people who only care about looking good in front of other people, it's good to know that people are seeing me as I really am, even the rough spots and the dark sides, and that I'm not one of those people I absolutely loathe. It's nice to know I haven't completely turned into the person I swore I'd never become. You'd probably expect me to say something like "This survey activity has opened my eyes and inspired me to change, etc. " but no, that's the exact opposite of what Vie realized.

I realized that there's really nothing to change after all. I already like everything myself, my short-temperateness, my faux icy demeanor, and even my that. Lastly, I thank my friends who responded honestly to this survey. I got to see how other people saw me, something Vie always been curious about, and I learned, based on how fast I ran out of survey forms, how many people I actually consider as friends who also see me the same way. Also, based on the fact that I'm still friends with these people, I realized how much they've accepted me, despite all my shortcomings as a person and as a friend.

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