Catrin, a schoolgirl, 15 years of age enters.
“My mind just gives me a headache! Why cant life just be simple, with no worries, yeah, I’m talking to you up there.You know what I’m saying! Why cant you give me some thanks once in a while.I’m still alive, I think I deserve some gratification for that, don’t you think? It’s really hard work living with that evil brother of mine and putting up with mum’s winging, but I’m sure you know that, because your always watching over me, apparently.
Don’t you get bored up there watching everyone all day?
(Sits down to think)
I wonder what it’s like up there, you know, in heaven? I don’t suppose I’ll ever go there anyway, because I’m a naughty girl, really. My mum has said it so many times that I’m starting to believe it! Mind you I’m not as naughty as my brother, my naughtiness is just fun and harmless, but I’m sure that my brother has malice in his naughtiness! He plays his shooting games on the computer as if he were actually enjoying blowing somebody’s brains out! Sick, really sick, I always annoy him by chanting, “You’re a mental psychopathic murderer!” And then his eyes glow a fierce red and my legs start to quiver and my brain hurts because its ashamed of the mistake it has just done. My mum seems to always stop the fighting just before it gets going; she has this talent, after all that’s what parents are for!
(Gets up and puts her hand on her head, moving position every now and then)
Oh, why does life have to be so unfair! Why can’t I win the lottery or become famous? I would absolutely love to be the next Faith Hill or the next Madonna, but there’s no hope I suppose, after all I’m hopeless! I can’t sing to save my life! I’m useless, let’s face it brain. I’m thinking whether to sit (and be a swot) and work or sit and be a couch potato and watch telly all night? Such a hard decision, isn’t it brain. What shall I do? My conscience says ‘Cats, sit and write with pride your English homework!’ While the devil inside me says ‘Cats man, live life to the full, chill and relax in front of the box!’ My head hurts and it feels as if its been torn in two, oh! ‘Chill’, ‘Work!’ ‘Chill’, ‘Work!’ Oh god, help! Ok, let’s try a different approach. What would mum want me to do? She would definitely want me to do my homework; she always says how important my education is, just because she wasted hers as a child. My answer to her is that you learn from your mistakes, and so if I make a mistake and waste my education, then I’ll learn! Clever isn’t it! Well-done brain!
(Sits with legs crossed, leaning back on the chair)
I wonder if other people sit and debate their lives with themselves like I do. Maybe I’m the only one, I could be famous and I don’t know it! Imagine the headlines ‘Girl debates with her own brain!’ Wow, what a thought! What was I thinking of before going off on some wild tangent? Ah, yes I remember, am I to do my homework or go and watch telly, I still haven’t decided! I know, I’ll try another different approach, what would Grandma want me to do? Definitely, without a doubt she would want me to do my homework. That’s two against one, now! Ok, what would my friends want me to do? They would say go and watch the telly, much more educational in their view. Now it’s all-square again, mum and grandma against my friends and me! Oh, why cant life just be simple! I know I’ll just go to bed!