Comm Ch 7&8

1. Keep in touch with friends
2. make plans with friends
3. play games with IM software
4. play a trick on someone
5. ask someone out on a date
6. write something you wouldnt say in person
7. Send non-text information
8. break up with someone
What are the top 8 reasons for Using instant messaging?
Social relationships bring emotional, material, and health rewards.
In what ways do social relationships benefit us?
Happiness because Emotional rewards include emotional support and happiness.
Emotional Rewards= Support and Happiness
Social relationships provide people with at least two emotional rewards. Which of the following is one of those emotional rewards?
Others such as transportation, food, and shelter are material rewards.
What are examples of some material rewards social relationships bring??
Social Relationships bring material rewards Because Candice did not have money for lunch, when Kayla bought lunch for her, Candice benefited from the material reward provided by Kayla.
Candice realized when she went to the snack area at the student union that she had left her wallet
in the book bag, and had placed that book bag in the trunk of her car for safe keeping.
Candice’s friend Kayla told her not to worry. Kayla paid for Candice’s lunch, and she told
Candice she could pay her back later. Candice has benefited from which reward of social
relationships?
Relationship costs include use of time, emotional investments, material investments, and physical investments
What sort of costs are associated with maintaining a friendship?
this theory explains why people are drawn to others; roots from proximity, personal appearance, similarity and complementarity
Attraction Theory
the force that draws people together
Interpersonal Attraction
attraction to someone’s physical appearance
Physical Attraction
The often have superior genes
because People want healthy children, and attractive people may have better genes to pass along to the children who will, in turn, be especially healthy by inheriting those genes.
We are attracted to others we find to be physically attractive. Which of the following is one of the reasons noted in the
text for this?
attraction to someone’s personality
Social Attraction
Social Attraction
1. When she meets her neighbor Carma for the first time, Patrice is immediately attracted to her personality. Patrice is experiencing
attraction to someone’s abilities or dependability
Task Attraction
Task Attraction
Being attracted to someone because he or she possesses certain abilities and is dependable is known as which of the following ?
Task Attraction
Johnny feels positive towards his suite mate because of her excellent karaoke technique, Johnny is experiencing??
closeness, as in how closely together people live or work
Proximity
Physical attraction is when one is drawn to someone because of his or her looks. Social attraction is when one is
attracted to another’s personality. Task attraction is when one is attracted to someone’s abilities and dependability
What is the difference between physical, social, and task attraction?
They are attracted by proximity
because According to the text, people are more likely to be attracted to people they see often.
Kim and Dan have worked together for nearly a year in the same area of the office. They have
gone to lunch at approximately the same time each work day, and have eaten lunch in the
same diner near the office building. Recently, they have begun to see each other socially after work.
What is probably behind this new dating relationship?
When are attracted to people with similar backgrounds, experiences, beliefs, and interests, that are similar to our own. (people sharing common traits)
What does it mean to be attracted by similarity?
the beneficial provision by another person of a quality that one lacks
complementarity
Shy teenage kid being attracted to a an outgoing female because she can help him more sociable
Summarized concept on how people are attracted by complementarity..?
Culture can influence perceptions of attractiveness: While Beverly comes from a culture that values thinness as a measure of attractiveness, other cultures view a fuller figure as the standard for attractiveness.
Beverly works out at the gym three to four days each week, and has developed a slender body
Shape that most of her male friends think is nearly perfect. When she took a trip to Africa, she was
quite surprised when many of the men found her to be too thin. Some even suggested Beverly put
some meat on her bones. After working out so hard at the gym, she could hardly believe her ears.
What has happened in Beverly’s situation?
women who appear younger:
While Beverly comes from a culture that values thinness as a measure of attractiveness, other cultures view a fuller figure as the standard for attractiveness.
Because of the desire to produce healthy children, men across cultures tend to be attracted to
theory suggesting that people find uncertainty to be unpleasant, so they are motivated to reduce their uncertainty by getting to know others
Uncertainty Reduction theory
c. uncertainty is unpleasant, and through communication we seek to reduce it
2. Uncertainty reduction theory states that
Uncertainty reduction theory suggests that the less uncertain you are of someone, the more you will like the person.
According to uncertainty reduction theory, how is uncertainty related to liking?
theory suggesting that people seek to maintain relationships in which their benefits outweigh their costs
Social Exchange theory
Social Exchange theory:Social exchange theory deals with the costs and rewards of relationships. It suggests that
when we believe the rewards outweigh the costs, it’s worth staying in the relationship; if
the costs outweigh the rewards, the relationship may as well end.
Sara has recently become unhappy in her relationship with George. It seems to her that she is
putting all the effort and resources into the relationship, and George is only taking from the
relationship. She works two jobs. George goes to school, but doesn’t even have a part-time job.
He goes out with his friends on weekends, and she stays home and cooks and cleans. Sara is
wondering if the benefits of being with George outweigh the costs. Which theory is she using to
determine if she wants to stay in the relationship, or break up with George?
a realistic expectation of what one wants and thinks one deserves from a relationship
Comparison Level
A comparison level for alternatives is part of social exchange theory, and it measures how much better or worse your
current relationship is than your other options
What is a comparison level for alternatives?
a state in which one’s relational benefits outweighs one’s cost
over-benefited
a state in which one’s relational costs outweighs one’s benefits
Under-benefited
theory that a good relationship is one in which a person’s ratio of costs and benefits is equal to his or her partner’s
Equity theory
Chandra is over-benefited and you are under-benefited because shes getting the benefit of your time and attention without the cost of giving her own time and attention to you. You, on the other hand are putting more in the friendship than you are getting from it
Your friend chandra is always texting you about her problems but never seems to have time to listen to you communicate about yours. In this situation….
his ratio of costs to rewards is the same as Peter’s
3. Jake and Peter are best friends who both invest heavily in their friendship. According to equity theory, the best scenario for Jake is that
theory specifying the primary behaviors people use to maintain their relationships
Relational maintenance behaviors theory
Positivity
Openness
Assurance
Social Networks
Sharing tasks
Relational Maintaince behaviors:
Social Networks: Social networks is one of the five primary relationship maintenance behaviors. The others are positivity, openness, assurances, and sharing tasks.
Which of the following is a primary relationship maintenance behavior?
includes behaviors such as acting friendly and cheerful, being courteous to others, and refraining from criticism. People who engage in positivity smile a lot, express affection and appreciation, and don’t complain- they’re pleasant and fun to be around- types of behaviors tend to make people well liked
Positivity
Positivity
Which relational maintenance behavior tends to make people well liked?
describes a persons willingness to discuss his or her relationship with a friend or other relational partner-its possible to have to much in this in a relationship but an optimal amt will help maintain the relationship and keep it strong
Openness
verbal and nonverbal behaviors that people use to stress their faithfulness and commitment and commitment to others – statements or nonverbal cues that send the message that one is committed to the relationship, reassuring the friend or partner that the relationship has a future.
Assurances
People maintain their social relationships through positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks.
In what ways to people maintain their social relationships??
Sharing Tasks: Performing one’s fair share of the work in a relationship is one of the five primary relational maintenance behaviors.
Meg and Rick have been cohabitating for some time, and their relationship seems to be strong.
Each night after work, Meg cooks and Rick does the dishes. They take the trash and
recyclables out together, and then do light housekeeping chores before settling down to watch a
DVD. This relational maintenance behavior is
act of intentionally giving others information about oneself that one believes is true but thinks others don’t already have
Self-disclosure
intentional and truthful,
varies in breadth and depth,
varies among relationships,
reciprocal,
influenced by cultural and gender roles.
What are the characteristics of self-disclosure?
theory indicating that the depth and breadth of self-disclosure help us learn about a person we’re getting to know
Social Penetration theory
the range of topics one discusses with various people
Breadth
the intimacy of ones self-disclosures
Depth
the social expectation that favors should be reciprocated
norm of reciprocity
the norm of reciprocity: When we disclose information to someone else, the norm in North American cultures is that we expect them to disclose to us in return. This is known as reciprocity.
On their first date, Robin and Eric sat in the local coffeehouse and chatted for hours. As he told
her bits of information about himself, she told him similar bits about herself, and this continued for
quite some time. This is an example of
Enhancements of relationships and trust-
Reciprocity- When we disclose to others, they tend to disclose back
Emotional Release -feeling something “off your chest” after disclosure
Assistance to others –
Benefits of self-disclosure:
Rejection
Chance of obligating others
hurt to others
violation of other pples privacy- Inappropiate self-diclosures can hurt pple who arent participating in the conversation
Risks of Self- Disclosure
We choose our friends, and they choose us. We do not have to be friends with people if we do not choose to be friends with them.
What does it mean to say that friendship is voluntary?
a person similar to oneself in status or power
Peer
Friends are usually peers: Elizabeth does not understand that the professor and her boss are not peers, and therefore, are not likely to become friends with her since they hold some degree of power over her.
Elizabeth has invited Professor Valdez and her boss, Mr. Sapienza, to coffee on a couple of
occasions, but both have turned down her invitation. Elizabeth would really like to have these two
people as friends, but cannot seem to make that happen. Which characteristic of friendships
does Elizabeth apparently not understand?
Common friendship rules include: stand up for your friend in his or her absence, trust each other, offer help when your friend needs it, don’t criticize your friend in public, keep your friend’s secrets, provide emotional support when needed, respect your friend’s privacy, and don’t be jealous of his or her other friends.
Which rules are common for friendships? (see bottom of pg 169 in textbook for all rules)
Job Satisfaction
Genuine friendship with a boss usually adds to
Romantic relationships are between opposite and same-sex couples:
Both hetero- and homosexual people routinely enter into romantic relationships.
What is considered an accurate statement about hetero- and homosexual people..?
Both men and women report that their same-sex friends are more loyal than opposite-sex friends
Do people report feeling greater loyalty to their same- or opposite-sex friends?
task dimension
5. Workplace relationships can be challenging because they contain both a social dimension and a
The social dimension refers to your personal relationship with a co-worker, and the task dimension refers to your professional relationship
What do we mean by the terms social dimension and task dimension in work relationships?
be happy at work:
The quality of friendships at work impacts job satisfaction, and the closer we are with our
co-workers, the more likely we are to be happy at work.
The closer we are with our co-workers, the more likely we are to
clients:
The beer distributor is a client of Nancy’s; the issue she is facing has to do with social relationships with clients.
Nancy is the manager of a local large chain restaurant that sells food and alcohol. Recently, the
sales representative for one of the beer distribution companies asked Nancy if she and a friend
would like to attend a major league baseball game, and sit in the party suite owned by the
distribution company. Nancy jumped at the chance, attended the game, and enjoyed the
experience immensely. Surprisingly, a week or so later, the sales representative stopped by and
wanted to “introduce” Nancy to a new beverage the company was selling. The representative
pressured Nancy to add the new, unproven item to her menu, and he reminded her of his
company’s generosity in inviting Nancy to the baseball game. This issue illustrates a potential
problem in social relationships with
Superior-subordinate relationships include a power difference that co-worker relationships do not have.
How are superior-subordinate relationships different from co-worker relationships?
a power difference that co-worker relationships generally do not include
10. Relationships between subordinates and superiors can be complicated because they include
Separating personal and professional relationships is important in the health care setting because a doctor’s judgment
and objectivity might be compromised by personal feelings for the patient.
Why are health care providers discouraged from treating friends?
Communicating in intimate relationships
Chapter 8
significant emotional closeness experienced in a relationship, whether romantic or not
Intimacy
Commitment is our desire to stay in a relationship no matter what happens
What is commitment?
sense of responsibility for each others feelings and emotional well being
emotional commitment (see page 181 for examples of application)
motivates us to spend time together, to compromise, to be generous with praise, and to avoid pretty conflict
Social Commitment
are more formal expressions of peoples obligations to each other
legal and financial commitments
Social commitment:
We are displaying our social commitment when we spend time with our partner’s family and friends.
Patrick and Anna have been in a romantic relationship for some time and they have begun to spend
more time with each other’s families and friends. While they don’t always enjoy those interactions,
they do this because of their
Financial Commitment:
By entering into a long-term financial arrangement with the mortgage company, Anna and
Patrick are showing their financial commitment to each other.
Patrick and Anna had been living in an apartment together during much of their romantic
relationship. They recently signed the final papers to take ownership of a new home.
What aspect of commitment does this exhibit?
interdependence mean that what happens to one person affects everyone else in the relationship.
What does it mean to be interdependent?
Interdependence:
Interdependence means that what happens to one person affects everyone in the relationship.
In their relationship, what happens to Olivia affects Will. This is known as
They commit their energies and other resources, such as time, energy, and attention, to their relationships.
How do relational partners invest in each other?
A conflict between two important but opposing needs or desires.
What is a dialectical tension?
A second often experienced dialectical tension in intimate relationships is the conflict between openness and closedness (see pg 183 for applications)
Openess Versus Closedness
autonomy versus connection:
When one person wants to be his or her own person, and the other person wants the two to be close, the dialectical tension is autonomy versus connection.
Scott wants to sit in the den and watch the baseball game on television, but Kathy wants Scott to
go with her to see a new movie at the theater. Which dialectical tension is at play?
predictability versus novelty:
The dialectical tension here is predictability versus novelty. Angie is experiencing a desire
for the familiar, while Thom desires a new experience that he believes will be fresh for
both of them.
Thom and Angie usually go out to dinner on Friday nights to relax after the work week.
This past Friday night, Angie expected to go out to their usual restaurant, but Thom came home
from work and told Angie to pack a suitcase. Angie asked what was going on, but Thom wouldn’t
tell her what he had in mind. Even though Angie was not particularly excited about changing their
usual Friday night routine, once they were packed, Thom drove them to the airport where he had
tickets waiting for a surprise flight to Reno, and a rental car reserved so they could drive up the
mountain to Lake Tahoe for the weekend. What dialectical tension is apparent in this scenario?
predictability versus novelty
1. Johann and his partner Cris go out to dinner and see a movie every Friday night. That routine bores Johann but provides stability that Cris values. The dialectical tension Johan and Cris are experiencing is
state of being in only one romantic relationship at a time and avoiding romantic or sexual involvement with others outside that relationship
monogamy
romantic or sexual interaction with someone outside ones romantic relationship
infidelity
Infidelity refers to having romantic or sexual interaction with someone outside of one’s romantic relationship.
What is relational infidelity?
voluntary
2. The idea that romantic relationships occur between individuals who choose to be together reflects the characteristic that romantic relationships are
They want to provide stability for their children, their religious beliefs disallow separation or divorce, they are concerned about
the financial implications of separating, or they see no positive alternatives to their current relationship.
Why do individuals sometimes stay in relationships involuntarily?
95%
What percentage of people will get married at least once in their lives?
Both kinds of relationships value intimacy and equality between relational partners; they both experience conflict (and over similar topics); they both seek emotional support from family and friends; they both negotiate how to accomplish mundane needs.
In what ways is communication in same- and opposite-sex romantic relationships similar?
Some enter relationships for financial stability or to gain, consolidate, or protect power.
Other than love, what are some primary reasons that people enter into romantic relationships?
Romantic relationships are between opposite and same-sex couples:
Both hetero- and homosexual people routinely enter into romantic relationships.
What is considered an accurate statement concerning romantic relationships??
They are less likely to take conflict personally:
One of the ways in which gay and lesbian couples differ from heterosexual couples in conflict communication is that they are less
likely to take the conflict personally.
Compared to heterosexual couples, gay and lesbian couples tend to act how in conflict situations
Happy couples are more likely than unhappy couples to express positive emotion with each other
Contrasting the comparison of happy and unhappy couples research has shown??
Lew and Cliff share both the masculine and feminine instrumental tasks:
Recent research shows that same-sex couples divide instrumental tasks more equally than do heterosexual couples.
Cliff and Lew are a gay couple who share a home. Based on the research discussed in the text regarding heterosexual and
same-sex couples and instrumental tasks, which of the following is probably the case?
Exclusivity (in western world, some countries practice polygamy- primarily Africa and Southern Asia)
Voluntariness
Love
Sexuality
**See page 186 for applications of each**
Culture Affects Expectations for…
state of having two or more romantic partners at once
Polygamy
culture affects expectations for voluntariness:
In this arranged marriage, Dabiku has no say in the husband she will marry, and she is not entering the relationship voluntarily.
Dabiku is a young woman in Kenya who is about to be married to a man she has never met.
Her parents and his parents have arranged for the two to be married.
Dabiku is not happy about the marriage, but it is the custom in her village to have marriages
arranged in this way. This is an example of how
In an arranged marriage, other people choose an individual’s romantic partner. This is most common in the Middle East, Asia, and Africa.
What is an arranged marriage, and in what parts of the world is this practice common?
Initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, and bonding (see pg 188 to see how stages are applied)
What are the stages of relationship development?
this stage of relationship development occurs when people meet and interact for the first time. (see pg 188 to see how stages are applied)
Initiating
this stage of relationship development occurs when people converse to learn more about each other.(see pg 188 to see how stages are applied)
Experimenting Stage
this stage of relationship development occurs when people move from being acquaintances to being close friends. (see pg 188 to see how stages are applied)
Intensifying Stage
this stage of relationship development occurs when people form a deep committment and the partners share a strong sense that the relationship has its own identity. (see pg 188 for application)
Integrating Stage
this stage of relationship development occurs when partners make a public announcement of their committment to each other.(see pg 188 to see how stages are applied)
Bonding Stage
Experimenting Stage
3. The stage of Knapp’s relational model that helps individuals decide whether they have enough in common to move the relationship forward is
Intensifying Stage
In which stage of relationship development do people move from being acquaintances to being
close friends?
integrating stage
In which stage of relationship development do people form a deep commitment and share a strong sense that the relationship
has its own identity?
Bonding Stage:
The bonding stage is defined by the partners making a public announcement of their commitment to each other.
Leo and Kara have been seeing each other for some time. They have decided to get
married after college, and have announced to their friends and family that they are now engaged.
Which stage of relationship development have they reached?
expressed struggle between atleast two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals
Conflict
It is best when trying to find a middle ground between two opposing forces of a tension.
When is compromising a useful strategy for managing conflict?
Validating couples
Conflict avoiding couples
hostile couples
**see page 190 for applications**
Marital Couples classified in four groups:
Volatile Couples:
Volatile couples tend to also express negative rather than positive emotion, but this is often followed by intense periods of making up.
In romantic relationships, couples who discuss their conflict in a competitive way and try to persuade the other partner to adopt his or her point of view are known as which of the following?
Validating couples talk about their disagreements openly and cooperatively. They are calm, use humor, and use expressions of positive emotion. Volatile couples talk about their disagreements openly, but competitively. Conflicts are marked with negative expressions and followed by intense periods of affection. Conflict-avoiding couples talk about their disagreements covertly. They often try to diffuse negative emotion and focus on their similarities
How are validating, volatile, and conflict-avoiding couples different?
theory explaining how people in relationships negotiate the tension between disclosure information and keeping it private (says that couples jointly own information about their problems)
Communication privacy management theory:
Differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating
** see pg 192-193 for applications)
What are the stages of relationship dissolution?
this stage of relationship dissolution occurs when partners begin to view their differences as underiable or annoying
Differentiating Stage
this stage of relationship dissolution occurs when partners begin to decrease the quality and quantity of their communication with each other
Circumscribing Stage
Circumscribing stage
With regard to ending a relationship, at which stage do partners begin to decrease the quality and the quantity of their
communication with one another?
this stage of relationship dissolution occurs when the relationship stops growing and the partners feel as if they are just “going through the motions
Stagnating Stage
Stagnating Stage
With regard to ending a relationship, at which stage do partners feel that they are “just going through the motions”?
this stage of relationship dissolution occurs when partners create physical and emotional distances from each other
Avoiding stage
this stage of relationship dissolution occurs when the relationship is officially deemed to be over
Terminating Stage
the legal discontinuation of a marriage
Divorce
Genetic ties refer to family members who share a specified proportion of their genetic material. Parents have legal obligations toward their minor children, and marriage, adoption, domestic partnerships, and stepfamily relationships are also legally regulated. Sometimes what defines a family is that people in it act like a family. This refers to role behaviors.
How do genetic ties, legal obligations, and role behaviors matter to the definition of families?
A family of origin is the family you grew up in. It consists of your parents and siblings. A family of procreation is the family you start
as an adult. It consists of your spouse/romantic partner and any children you might have.
What is the difference between a family of origin and a family of procreation?
family of origin and family of procreation:
The family in which Brent grew up, and the family he began as an adult, are which of the following?
Repetitive activities that have special meaning for a family
Family Rituals
family rituals and family stories:
The trips to Disneyland constitute family rituals, while the tales of successfully overcoming difficulties to make those trips constitutes family stories
Ever since the Bradley children were small, their family has taken an annual trip to Disneyland.
Even as the kids have gotten older, the family has found a way to meet at the theme park every
summer. The family even managed to make the annual trip after Ben had just returned from military
duty. They tell everyone about these trips—the difficulties they encounter getting all the family
members to the park, yet how proud they are that no member of the Bradley family has ever
missed one trip. The family is engaging in which of the following?
family ritual
5. Doug’s family has a tradition of calling his grandmother every Sunday morning. That practice exemplifies a family
behaviors that convey how much another person is valued
Confirming messages
Any statement that shows how much we value another person, such as descriptive, inquiry-oriented, spontaneous, empathic, equal,
or provisional.
What is an example of a confirming message?
behaviors that imply a lack of respect for or value for others
Disconfirming messages
complaints about another person or the persons behaviors
criticism
hostile behavior in which people insult each other and attack the others self worth
contempt
seeing oneself as a victim and denying responsibility
Defensiveness
Withdrawing from a conversation
Stonewalling
Stonewalling:
Stonewalling is withdrawing from a Defensiveness conversation. People who are stonewalling often act as if they are shutting down.
Withdrawing from a conversation, and acting as if they are shutting down, would be an example of which of the behaviors people may enact to signal separation or relational dissolution?
They can cause individuals to feel disappointed, hurt, or betrayed because those expectations will not be met.
Why are unrealistic expectations problematic for a relationship?